The Ryan Report -- Episode 312 "Poof, You're Dead"
A friend of mine used to say that there’s no such thing as secrets in a marriage and while I’ll soon find out the truth of that one, I can definitely say there’s no such thing as secrets in a partnership – especially when it’s two Homicide Detectives.Over the years, I’ve tried to keep various things from Esposito, for various reason. My weakness for toffee candy (which he considers an unholy candy as “it’s not a liquid OR a solid, bro”) was kept a secret from him, until he somehow figured it out and littered my desk in them to try to tempt me. It worked far too well – I ate so much that I got sick and now can’t stand the sight of them.
There’s been my love of Neil Diamond songs (“way too cheesy”) or how I don’t really like his chile con queso (“Bro, it’s the best meal you’re ever going to have”). Somehow, he always figures it out – and then uses it against me.
Even when I started dating Jenny, I kept it a secret. Not because Javi wouldn’t like her – but because if he found out how much I liked her, I figured I’d never hear the end of it. Of course, even after not mentioning her name much, pretending to be at the sports bar when I was actually out on dates with Jenny and even making up a fictional “other” girlfriend, Espo still somehow managed to deduce everything – asking me if Jenny and I had picked out a china pattern yet or whether we’d decided on our second kid’s middle name (Matthew or Anabel, if you must know).And still… when Espo started dating Lanie, he thought he could keep it from me. As if his crush on Lanie hadn’t been plastered all over his face like it was a billboard down on Houston Street. The man has been forever stammering and sighing in her presence like a sixth-grader on Valentine’s Day. So when I noticed that he and Lanie had upped the ante to actually maintaining eye contact, I knew something was up.
Then, there were the furtive phone calls, the hidden texts, and the way, when I stepped out to take a call at the morgue and then came back, Lanie and Espo suddenly straightened up and acted like a couple of teenagers caught making out. That’s when I knew…Still, I didn’t bust him on it. It was too fun watching him pretend to be a secret agent of love. There’s nothing like seeing someone think they’re being secretive when you know exactly what they’re doing.
I can’t wait for the moment when he finally realizes that Castle, Beckett, and everyone else in the office knows…The look on his face will be priceless.Hopefully, it’ll be all those times he’d busted me, rolled up into one expression of shock and surprise.See sometimes, I’ll still find a forgotten toffee at the back of a desk drawer. It’s a reminder that no matter how secretive you think you are, there’s still someone that knows you inside and out…