The Ryan Report – Episode 203 "Inventing the Girl" Ryan's Bio
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So here's the scene: Daniel McNeary's house, my freshman year of high school. Parents are out of town, so Daniel throws a Seniors-Only bash. Music blasts from the backyard, there's a keg being hauled in and beer pong being played out front. And me and Chris Milner are watching from across the street, trying to figure out how to get past the first-string linebacker bouncers and into party paradise.
I'll spare you the details of the plan, except to say that it involved sneaking in the back gate, fake moustaches and sunglasses worn at night. Of course, in true high school fashion, about five minutes after we successfully snuck in, the cops showed up to bust the party. But, hey, we got in!
Nowadays, the whole dressing up in disguises and sneaking in the back door does come in pretty useful in our undercover investigations. But most of the time, in my regular life, I'm able to go straight in the front door – the privilege of being an adult, right? Of course, back when I wasn't able to get in, these places seemed exotic and mysterious. Once you're inside, they sort of lose their charm.
Of course, one of the many benefits of the badge is it gets you past all those velvet ropes, exclusive lists, and surly bouncers. I'm not saying that Espo and I use our badges to crash parties – that would be an abuse of power! But there are times when he and I and have to roll into swanky parties and do some important police work.
Take our most recent case, investigating the murder of a model. It just so happened that it required our dropping by a fashion show. Of course, Esposito and I worked hard to take care of the evidence necessary and do the groundwork that Beckett requested. But we also took a few moments to sample an hors d'oeuvre or two. Maybe scout out the scenery, introduce ourselves to the bouncers who were there. Because inside every bouncer is a man who wants to be a cop. And bouncers are useful friends to have.
So tonight Espo and I headed out to a swank party on the Upper East Side that our new bouncer friends are working at. Far more nicely dressed than we were the other day and no Crown Vic. (Not that Esposito ever lets me behind the wheel anyhow – he's no fan of my driving. A consequence of growing up in the Bronx, getting my license late in life, and a little incident in the Village a year ago... neutral and reverse look similar, okay?)
Plus, I promised to be the best wingman a partner could ask for – I'll even pretend not to be as completely charming as I clearly am.
It's nice to come full circle and be a valued guest at these exclusive parties. Back when I first joined the force, during my probie days, I got stuck being the guy busting up high school parties. At least this time I was coming in the front door, right? And I tried to have some sympathy for the kids inside, especially the ones in the fake mustaches... You can't forget where you came from, right?