Lina's Household Manual

By Lina Jul 12, 2013

WELCOME TO THE RESIDENCY OF ANDY DICK!  

As of this moment you are now a part of this postmodern family with an alternative lifestyle, so leave all your judgment at the door!  You might want to kick your shoes off at the door as well because we’re pretty laid back and have a very relaxed approach to managing the household.

 

My ex-boyfriend Andy Dick (yes, that’s right – EX) is best known for his role in the show News Radio as well as multiple guest roles in television and film.  He recently showed America another side of himself as he danced his heart out on Dancing with the Stars.  Like everything in Andy’s life, our relationship is pretty complex.  He has a son from a previous marriage, we have a son and daughter together and I have two daughters from another relationship. Andy and I dated for 9 years, never married but are now best friends.  Our daughter Meg (15) and my two daughters Rachael (14) and Emily (11) live here and the boys live on their own. After an intervention last year Andy became clean and sober and vowed to dedicate more time to family.

 

You must have seen the trailer in the front drive way on your way into the house.  That’s not a prop for Andy’s next role, it’s his house!  After trading in his wild and glamorous Hollywood digs for a life of family and sobriety Andy decided to sentence himself to the “doghouse” for previous behavior. As crazy as it seems, it actually works.  We both want him near the children to play an active role in their lives, but with an influx of significant others… sometimes girlfriends, sometimes boyfriends coming and going, we decided this was the best way to give Andy his space while still being close.  

 

I always have felt that girls need their mothers, but in this case it’s crucial that I am their rock, as Andy has been in and out when it comes to parenting.  Ask Andy and he will tell you I am a basically a single mother and he is a “ghost dad.”  

 

HOUSEHOLD ROLES

It’s nice to have Andy around the house but I basically rule the roost.  I am a very dedicated mother.  Meg, Rachel and Emily are three amazing girls.  I have really made it a point to focus all my time and energy on them and now it’s even more important as they come into the teen years.  

 

With three active girls, it seems as if I am always in the car, playing the role of chauffer.  After dealing with three different school schedules, I drive Meg to her acting lessons and auditions, Rachel and Meg to the gym and Emily, to endless play dates.  If it’s not enough to deal with L.A. traffic running your kids around, sometimes I drive Andy to various meetings, auditions and appointments.  He didn’t have a car for the longest time and really doesn’t like to drive.  I have to admit that I often feel like his mother.

 

I take care of everything in the house.  I drive the girls around, run errands, cook, clean – you name it, I do it!  Andy sleeps in the trailer but uses the house throughout the day.  He tends to sleep until late morning and then comes in the house for his breakfast “green shake”.  In the afternoon, he is usually hanging out by the pool.

 

We’re pretty low-key around here.  Andy can be extreme and sometimes likes to chase snakes in the backyard, but that’s not my thing. I tend to err on the side of safety.

 

Andy and I are both creative and musical.  All of the girls have appreciation for the arts and love to perform for him. We often put on our own “shows” in the living room, playing in a drum circle with guitars and tambourines.  

 

In his comedy routines, Andy often performs original songs and I play the guitar.   I’m the only person who knows all of his music, so I’m an important part of the show.  Hope you have some musical skills because I know he has a few performances lined up.  If you don’t know how to play the guitar you can practice on the bongos or tambourines we have around the house.

 

OUR FAMILY

Ours is an unconventional family, but it works.  Andy and I met 22 years ago through a mutual friend and have been on an adventure ever since. We dated on and off for 9 years, had our son Jacob and our daughter Meg and managed to end up best friends and finally living as a family. We don’t have sexual feelings for each other anymore.  We date other people and basically live the lives of single adults who just happen to share children.  

 

Andy is bi-sexual and likes to say his love knows no gender.   As a family, we have seen him date both men and women so I guess you can say we have a very open relationship with the girls when it comes to talking about sex.

 

Because of his past behaviors Andy’s missed out on so much of the kids life. This living arrangement we’ve set up is designed to change that and make Andy accountable.

 

Andy is currently dating model and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills guest star Jennifer Gimenez.  The two met during the filming of Sober House and have recently made their relationship public.  You will most likely see her in and out of the house throughout the week.  A fair warning to you: the mixture of their over-the-top personalities is sometimes too much for one to stand.  So, you may want to make yourself busy when Jen pops over.  

 

OUR KIDS

Meg is a smart, well-rounded fifteen year-old girl.  She enjoys high school and excels in her classes.  She caught the acting bug from her father and has been taking classes for the past few years.   Meg loves spending time with her friends and she loves her new favorite sport, driving!  Yes, Meg recently got her learner’s permit and can’t get enough of being behind the wheel.

 

Rachel is a beautiful artistic fourteen year old who loves to dance, perform and play sports. She tends to be quiet at first but is an incredible friend and is super fun when you get to know her. She has a large circle of friends who love spending time with each other. Rachel enjoys being around Andy since they share a great sense of humor.

 

Our youngest, Emily is a precious 11 year old who also has a great sense of humor. Emily sees Meg as her role model and, like her big sister, loves acting. She enjoys taking classes and being in plays.  Emily is a social butterfly and a great friend.

 

COOKING AND EATING HABITS

We eat EXTREMELY healthy!  Andy prefers to eat completely raw.   Dinner is pretty haphazard around here.  Even though I enjoy cooking, everyone does his or her own thing so we rarely eat together.  Andy never really joins us for dinner, although I prepare some yummy raw dishes for him to enjoy when he gets home.

Andy is very insistent on me making his breakfast every morning, which is a raw green shake.  This basically consists of whatever we have in the fridge at the time…cilantro, parsley, green apple, carrots, etc.  The key to the green shake is honey or something to make it taste good.  Since it’s usually a different combination of ingredients every day, I have to experiment a little.  But don’t worry – Andy will tell you when you screw them up!  The kids like to drink them, so you can have them taste test before you give it to Andy.

 

CLEANING AND HOUSE MAINTENANCE

It’s a challenge for any parent to keep a completely clean house, but I am very lucky to have three girls who pick up after themselves for the most part.  I make sure the children clean their rooms, keep the living area neat and help with the dishes every night.   

 

The trailer is all Andy’s responsibility.  

 

APPEARANCES

When it comes to appearances, we’re not the typical celebrity family that’s into wearing designer labels.  I haven’t been to a red carpet event in years!

If we do go on a shopping trip, we always peruse the sale racks and look for bargain clothes at the Fairfax swap meet.

 

DISCIPLINE / RULES

Again, my girls and I have such an open and honest relationship with one another that there rarely is a time when disciplinary actions need to be made. I pick my battles carefully so when there is a serious topic I have their full attention and respect.

 

I sporadically check on the kids’ computer usage. I have the rule when it comes to social media; that they are only allowed to be friends with someone they actually know on Facebook. Another big rule I enforce is no cell phones after 8:30pm!

  

DAILY ROUTINE

Mornings aren’t too hectic around here.  I usually get up about 6:30am to start making the kids breakfast and getting them out of bed.  I drive Rachel and Emily to school and Meg walks to class.   When I get home, I tidy up, work on finances, assist Andy with his company Pollywog Entertainment, and begin guitar rehearsal.

 

Andy is not a morning person and really doesn’t go by any kind of schedule.  He usually shuffles into the house around 11am or noon.  He won’t be coherent but will want his green shake immediately.  Depending on Andy’s schedule, I go to the store to do some food shopping or I run him around town for meetings and appointments.  

In the afternoon, I pick Rachel and Emily up from school and then take Meg and Rachel to the gym.    

Dinner is very sporadic.  I always make a good healthy meal, but never insist that we eat together.  We have a place to sit down together but that rarely happens.  

After dinner, the girls do homework and play ping-pong or other games. If Andy is home, we get everyone together to do a drum circle or play music.  

Bedtime is a precious part of the day.  This is when the girls and I talk, and share with one another.  I really think it’s these moments that I spend with them that keep our bond so close.  Andy is usually not around for bedtime, as he’s back in his trailer at this time, on a date with Jen or with friends.  

The girls are really good kids and I know you will have a great time with them.  Now I have no control over Andy and his crazy antics, so keep a watchful eye out for him.  Enjoy and have fun!

 

--Lina