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Edie, come back! There's no need to be bitter, just 'cause I'm rich beyond your wildest dreams!
I don't know how to say thank you for saving my child's life and how sorry I am.
I was a bad girl for not calling. Now, to make it up to you... I'm going to be really bad.
I admire your taste. It's not theft, it's an homage.
I just don't want my kids to ever know I lived like that.
Look, in the eyes of the church, Carlos and I were never divorced. Technically the affair was with Victor. And God smote him, so we're good.
You know what that sound is, fat boy? The sound of your career circling the bowl.
Carlos is probably going to lose his job over your stunt.
Bree sent muffins. Damn things traveled five thousand miles, and they were still moist. I don't know how she does it.
Carlos Solis is the love of my life. But, y'know, sometimes you get bored and a big greasy, disgusting handyman really hits the spot.
What if you tie the knot, then realize after a month that you miss Ian and Mike misses the coma?
She's your trampy niece.
Tonight, you're a redhead. Tomorrow, Helga, the sexy milkmaid. Or Amber, the lonely runaway. Or Jeff, the friendly guy from work. What? I don't know what Tom's into.
Yeah, I was trying to respect tradition... then I got horny.
Can I borrow your mace? My tax dollars pay for it, I should be able to use it.
Isn't it better to be safe than sorry?
I could talk to you about saving yourself for marriage, but I think you're the kind of girl who responds to cold hard cash.
Carlos, remember what my middle finger looks like? Picture it all by itself.
You're like the hot groom and the gay best friend all rolled into one.
At least the toilets won't talk back.
Everything looks different now that I'm First Lady of Fairview.
Seriously. It'll be my treat. And tonight -- you'll be Tom's trick.
I figured out what she has to do to be special. Absolutely nothing.
Now you listen to me, you blind son-of-a-bitch. If you don't get that mangy, six-nippled Cujo wannabe off my satin sheets, you won't just need a dog to get around -- you'll need a motorized wheelchair you steer with your tongue.
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