Two cars get egged in the Baxters’ neighborhood: Kristin’s and the new family’s up the street, who happen to be African-American. Vanessa’s worried they’ll think it’s a racial incident. She goes over to talk to them, and makes it kinda awkward, but invites them over for drinks.
Eve’s upset she has to miss a party because of soccer practice. She threatens to quit. Mandy’s excited she’s up for a solo in show choir, but Vanessa and Mike keep talking about Eve and soccer, which hurts Mandy’s feelings. They put so much pressure on Eve, but ignore her.
Kristin: I’m glad the view is so clear on top of Rich White Guy Mountain.
Mike: Beautiful view up here. They put in a food court.
Vanessa: You know what kind of car he drives but you don’t know his name?
Mike: I don’t like people that much, but I love cars. They moved into the house where the Pontiacs used to live.
Mandy: Check it out. She’s like the plain girl in the movie who discovers she can be pretty with the help of her super-hot sister. (off Eve’s look) What? I said you were eventually pretty.
Chuck: Carol, the oven’s on fire.
Carol: Oh no, it’s OK. That’s just my husband’s way of getting rid of solicitors. Honey, this is our new neighbor from down the street, Vanessa Baxter. Her husband’s the guy with the green truck.
Chuck: The one with the “Nobama” bumper sticker? The guy who never waves?
Vanessa: Well, he’s antisocial, and he doesn’t like Obama.
Chuck: I see.
Vanessa: But not in the way you’re thinking.
Chuck: How am I thinking?
Vanessa: Are you sure your oven’s not on fire?
Mike: We both wanna go to Rio. What a city. A big giant Jesus looking at 4 million thongs.
Mike: Listen, when you’re carrying the American flag into that Olympic stadium representing the US soccer team, you’re going to thank me for this.
Eve: Or, because my dad put too much pressure on me, I’ll be working the pole at Bob’s Classy Lady.
When the Larabees come over for drinks with Mike and Vanessa, it’s pretty awkward. Mike eventually calls out all the awkwardness, and it turns out Chuck hates neighbors too, and he and Mike bond over their misanthropy and willingness to never hang out again. Good times.
Eve ends up skipping practice, and goes to the party and gets drunk. Mandy rescues her and tries to cover for her. Mike and Vanessa think Mandy got her drunk, and Mandy is angry. If it’s so important to never quit, why do they let Mandy quit everything? Mike eventually admits he was wrong -- to everyone’s surprise.
Vanessa tells Eve she’s clearly not ready to make decisions like quitting soccer on her own, given her judgment about the party. Eve’s punishment? Playing her soccer game with a hangover.
Vanessa: We never get to the movies.
Mike: The last movie she dragged me to was The Help. I was yelling that all the way through that theater. Help! Help!
Carol: We only came because Vanessa kinda put us on the spot.
Chuck: And we thought if we said no she might have thought that was racially motivated.
Mike: Wait, so, this is great -- no one wants to be here!
Mike: What happened last night was way out of line.
Mandy: Dad, Eve told you it wasn’t my fault.
Mike: I meant me.
Mandy: I’m confused, are you admitting you made a mistake?
Mike: Don’t get used to it, it’s not going to happen again.
Mike: Honey, I believe in you as much as I believe in Eve. It’s just that the things you’re good at aren’t in my wheelhouse.
Mandy: Being beautiful and socially graceful and fashionable with a kindof radiant star quality?
Mike: Yeah, that crap.
- 5|4c College Football