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Ep210 The Help

01/18/13 Season 2 TV-PG D, L

Mike and Vanessa need a little help around the house, so they hire a maid. (Kristin lobbies for the gig, but Mike tells her he’s looking for someone with experience cleaning.) Blanca does a great job -- maybe too good a job. The Baxter girls are getting a little lazy these days, asking Blanca to bake them cookies for school, even Boyd is just leaving stuff on the floor for his “cleanup girl.”

Menawhile, Mike starts thinking about how Blanca’s got her green card, and wonders if the Outdoor Man staff is fully documented as well. Ed’s sure that JJ, who’s been with the company for ten years and is like family, runs a tight ship down on the loading dock. But does he?

Memorable Quotes:

Boyd: Jill keeps trying to kiss me. It’s gross.
Mike:
It’s gross now, but in a couple years, you’re gonna like it. And then after that, it gets expensive. And then it just stops all of a sudden.

Vanessa: If I have to do less housework, I might have more energy for other stuff, you know…at night.
Mike: Or we could hire someone for that.

Vanessa: So Blanca, what do you do on your day off?
Blanca: I celebrate Christmas.

Ed: A maid, huh? If you ever want to get rid of her, just leave Schwarzenegger’s autobiography open to page 242. That’s where he introduces her to his Lieutenant Governor.

Mike: I’m gonna try HR first, and if there’s a mess downstairs I’m going to try to clean this up.
Ed: Good luck cleaning up something in this country without using illegals.

It turns out there is an immigration issue with one of the dock workers: JJ. He’s the only one without papers. They’re ready to let him go, but Mike has a change of heart. They can’t just let him go! So they decide to sponsor him so he can stick around.

It’s pretty clear that everyone’s getting a little too spoiled by having Blanca around, so Mike has a little family meeting. Mike wants Blanca to be just as hard on his family as she would her own family. Blanca takes to it with ease, and balance is restored.

Memorable Quotes:

Vanessa: Remember that time JJ dressed up as the Easter Bunny for the kids?
Mike: He tripped over the garden hose on the way out and the head popped off. Mandy to this day thinks rabbits have Mexicans inside them.

Chuck: Carol found out about your maid, and now we have to get one too. So thanks for that.
Mike: What, am I supposed to do? Not make my wife happy so you can save a few bucks?
Chuck: I’d appreciate that, yeah.

Ed: I have that great immigration lawyer. Remember my psycho girlfriend, Svetlana?
Mike: Yeah, well how great is he? He got her shipped back to Ukraine!
Ed: Right, and that wasn’t easy because she was born in Kansas.

Blanca: You can’t afford to be lazy in my country. When my brother refused to clean my uncle’s fishing boat, they buried him in the sand up to his neck, rubbed a fish on his head, and left him to los gatos de la playa.
Mike: Beach cats?
Blanca: Si. And those cats are not nice kitties.
Mike: I like what I’m hearing. And I’m not usually a cat guy.

Mike: Blanca, you do a great job around here, but what you’ve done is you’ve turned my kinda lazy girls into real lazy girls.
Mandy: In fairness to Blanca, I was already pretty lazy.
Mike: Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to treat my kids like your uncle treated your brother.
Blanca: You don’t mean...
Mike: Release the beach cats!

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