Everyone is all yapping about skydiving in this house these days, and I really don’t understand why. I mean, why would anyone ever want to do anything that makes your hair look so nasty? I guess if you were doing like a super-severe bun for that powerful female lawyer look, then by all means, jump out of a plane. But that look doesn’t fly (haha! See what I did there?) on anyone outside of, like, 2008 J-Lo. So unless you have a crazy booty and a time machine, you need to keep your seat belt fastened and read your Skymall catalog.
Not to mention the jump suits they have to wear. Gross. They look like exterminator outfits, and that is not hot, even in like some weird ironic way. (Although I have this crazy suspicion that Ke$ha could make it look good. But even she would probably have to tear some pieces off to get there.) It’s baggy, which is only a good idea for a piece of clothing if it’s super tiny, but surprise -- it covers everything. So at the end of the day, you’ve got pictures of yourself looking like you just spent the windiest night ever under the house looking for cockroaches. No thanks.
And while I’m sure falling really far is exciting in its own way, does nobody care that I had 10 different nail colors going the other day? That was totally some Punky Brewster style right there. Do you know who that is? Because I don’t. But Tina Kendrick’s older sister Laurie said that to me the other day, and Laurie is super hot and totally gets me fashion-wise, so it must be a good thing. Laurie was totally smiling when she said it too, so it’s cool. Unless we’ve had a falling out that I didn’t notice and she was messing with me. Which couldn’t have happened. No way. I don’t think…
I’m going to get some acetone.