OK, so the big victory here is that Dad didn’t ground me for ditching that Garfield costume. That was so cool. I’ve never been happier to almost have Boyd get kidnapped by the neighbors…I think Dad definitely felt awful about the whole thing. So awful that he kinda forgot about the furry bikini costume that I wasn’t allowed to wear and the deposit he lost when I dumped that very same body-covering costume in a dumpster.
But seriously, I still wore the costume he gave me. I just made a couple alterations to spice it up a little. That’s just a Halloween tradition. You see sexy superheroes, sexy nurses, sexy bus drivers. It’s anything goes. Dad should just be happy that I didn’t join up with Lisa, Rachel, and Madison to round out their sexy Golden Girls quartet. My repurposed Garfield was like a trenchcoat compared Lisa’s Blanche outfit. (I don’t think I ever saw the one where Blanche wore a halter top made of duct tape, but whatevs.)
And after all, that’s really what Halloween is for: showing off. I don’t spend all this time eating healthy vegetables I hate to hide this body in a big gross cat. Ew, that sounded super icky. Anyway, he’s going to have to get used to it, because soon I’ll go off to college and stuff, and then there won’t be anyone to tell me how to dress. Other than Eva Longoria. But that’s it. No one to say “Cover up” or “That’s too short” or “You can’t leave the house wearing just a bra.” Wow, that’s like for sure the best reason I’ve come up with yet for going to college. I’m almost excited now.