I think we can all agree that Dad’s stupid alarm is like the worst thing that’s ever happened ever. On top of it totally denying my freedom to come and go out of windows and down trees or strategically placed ladders as I please -- which I’m pretty sure is mentioned in the Declaration of Independence -- having to hear Dad’s voice all over the house is cruel and unusual punishment. Which is totally a thing that’s like, not allowed.
It’s bad enough when he’s just talking to us, saying lame things like, “I’m really sad they don’t make crappy, boring, old music like this anymore,” or “Yay, sports and cars and stuff,” or “Did your bikini come from the dentist’s office? Because I’m pretty sure it’s made of floss.” That voice giving updates on the status of every door in the house was too much. But after I made those adjustments and had my voice piping through the house I think it’s fair to say the alarm got way cooler for something that tramples on people’s rights. If there’s ever a break-in, people are totally going to take their time on the way to the Panic Room just to hear a little more of my voice: I sang “Fingerprints” by Katy Perry for that warning.
Also, Eve being second in command in the panic room? That’s ridic. It’s not like she knows her way around that place like me and Kristin do. Does she know that two people can fit lying down on the top bunks but not the bottom? Or that the floor gets really cold at night? Experience should count for something. But because Eve decided to side with the powers that be, she’ll just have to be one of the targets when Kristin and I lead the mutiny in there. We don’t have a plan yet, and I haven’t told Kristin about it, but it’s going to be like the best mutiny of all time. Like what a mutiny would look like in a Beyonce video. Fierce.