Hello fellow Outdoor Man enthusiasts!
So my boss, Ed -- you know him as the founder of this company -- wants me to write this “blog” to go along with our soon-to-be-revamped online catalog. I say it’s a waste of time, because any real men who might be interested in the stuff I have to say are outside building sheds, or fixing carburetors, or fist-fighting grizzly bears. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably got a raspberry cosmo next to your mousepad. Although I guess I’m here. Hmm.
Well, maybe you’re a manly man here for the same reason as I am: Your boss is forcing you. Might as well make the best of this, eh? It’s kinda like when your wife asks you to clean the garage: Sometimes you find an old bottle of bourbon.
On the bright side, I see that ESPN has some of these blogs and stuff too. But it’s probably all their stat nerds who write about newfangled crap that only excites other nerds. I know Ted Williams hit .406 in 1941. I don’t care that he had a low BLORP or VEDIP or some other made-up stat that doesn't matter. He served in the Navy, fought in two wars, crash-landed an F-9 Panther and lived to tell about it. If some nerd wants to take the Splendid Splinter down a peg, he better be prepared for Teddy to come back from the dead and strangle him at his keyboard. If I needed more wimps in my life I’d hang out at trendy coffee shops.
I want to maintain this blog as a sanctuary for all you guys out there who somehow got tricked into using the stupid Internet too. It’s a bunch of diaries and feelings and cat pictures, but if we join forces maybe we can put something on here worth reading.
So let’s talk about manly man stuff. Straight razors. Women (non-nagging variety). Music not recorded by guys with $75 haircuts. What makes you feel like a man, puts hair on your chest, or sharpens your saber? And if yours starts with the word “exfoliating,” do me a favor and rethink it before you hit the submit button.