STORY 1: Manny Gets a Brother for His Birthday
Gloria wants Manny to feel really special on his birthday since he’s been overshadowed by the baby lately. But that proves difficult once Gloria goes into labor at his surprise party. She tries to delay it so Manny can have a day that’s all about him, but soon Manny and the new baby are sharing a birthday. It’s a boy!
Gloria: "OK, Manny is going to be here soon, so let's go over the plan. When we hear him coming, we turn off the light. Then when he comes in and turns it on, we all scream, 'Surprise!'"
Alex: "You got a pen? I wanna write this down."
Gloria (to Manny who's locked himself in his room): "Manny, please come out."
Manny: "Unless you're here to cut a food slot in my door, you can leave now."
Gloria (trying to restart the party after everyone sees Manny's first kiss): "We sing, then presents, then cake. That's a Colombian tradition. And we do not speak of what happened before. Nobody saw anything. That's another Colombian tradition."
Luke (after Gloria's water breaks at the party): "And the birthday video becomes a nature video."
Gloria (to Manny): "I'm not letting this baby out before midnight. This is your day."
Gloria: "You know that I love you no matter what."
Manny: "You're trying to hold another person inside of you to spare my feelings. Message received."
Gloria (to her baby in her belly): "Get oooout!!!"
Claire (at Gloria's bedside after the birth): "Well, look at that! You're skinny again."
Alex (on the new baby): "He's our uncle."
Cameron: "Half uncle or full uncle?"
Haley: "What's a falunkel?"
____________________STORY 2: Haley's New Boyfriend
Phil can't stand that Haley has started dating Kenny, a middle-aged jeans designer, but Claire is sure that Haley is just trying to get back at mom and dad for being so hard on her after getting kicked out of college.
Haley (introducing her older boyfriend):
"Kenny designs jeans for our boutique." Kenny (grabbing some jeans for Phil):
"That reminds me. I got something for you. What are you 32-34?Claire:
"What are you, 36, 38?"Haley:
"Kenny is sort of a big deal. What does that fashion website call you again?"Kenny:
"A jeanius. Spelled like 'jeans.' Mortifying. And a 'rack star.' What was the headline again? Oh yeah, 'he's denimite.'"Kenny:
"I made my bones in men's apparel, and now I'm working with these local boutiques... just trying to get into girls' jeans."Claire:
"What middle-aged guy would be interested in a young, attractive, newly legal woman? Oh, that's right. All of them."Phil:
"That's not true. I wouldn't."Claire:
"Really? Hermione Granger."Phil:
"What? I'm just a Harry Potter fan. Has she blossomed into a lovely young lady? Yes, but... Luke! I'm never telling you anything!"Phil:
"Young people seek out older mentors all the time. When I was 17, I was really close with my friend Stacy’s Mom. Mrs. Robinson was a former cheerleader, so she knew just how to massage my legs after practice. She had her own homemade Ben-Gay that didn't burn no matter where she rubbed it on me. If I had the chance to go over there, I never missed an opportunity."Claire:
"I think maybe you did."Haley:
"Oh, I forgot the present in the car."Kenny (accidentally making a double-entendre):
"Oh, alright. I'm gonna take a squirt while you grab it."Kenny (to Haley returning with the present):
"I forgot to tell you I put that in the trunk."Haley (accidentally making a double-entendre):
"I know. I had to reach under your jeans."Phil (fed up with Kenny):
"I'm gonna fight him."Claire:
"No, Claire. I’m gonna fight him up real nice."Kenny:
"I don't think we've met. Kenny."Alex:
"Hi, I'm disgusted."Claire (after Haley leaves with Kenny):
"She's coming back. I am almost positive."Phil:
"Almost?!? Why am I listening to you? Why? You were wrong about the iPod being a failure. You were wrong about tomato being a vegetable. I don't even want to talk about your favorite planet -- Pluto!"
____________________STORY 3: Cam Is Snubbed by Lily
Lily has been favoring Mitchell so much lately, that she even stages a wedding between them. Cam tries to win her attention, but it doesn't help that at every turn, he ends up inadvertently injuring her.
Mitchell (to Cam, who's staged his own pretend wedding with Lily to win her attention):
"OK, I know what's underneath all this, all right? Right now in your life, you're feeling, you know, very..."Cameron:
"No, please do not turn me marrying my daughter into something ugly."Cameron:
"I forgot my own daughter. And obviously, she resents me for it. That's why she asked you to marry her to get back at me."Mitchell:
"Here I need to point out that she's five and not a character from Dynasty