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Ep211 Slow Down Your Neighbors

01/04/11 Season 2 TV-PG D, L

Claire is after the lunatic mystery driver of a sports car that races down their residential street. Her initial idea of yelling at the motorist through a bullhorn doesn't get the job done. Plan B involves making a sign featuring the speeder's license plate number along with the message, "slow down your neighbors."

Actually, the message is supposed to be translated as "slow down, you reckless suburbanite, and heed this important message from your neighbors." Get it? Yeah, neither does anyone else. Anyway, Claire enlists Phil's help to post signs all over the neighborhood. He's reluctant to do so because he knows the identity of Racer X. It's his new no-nonsense, high-energy client, Laura (guest star Jami Gertz). More on that later.

There's a strange man in Mitchell and Cameron's hot tub. Better call the police. UPDATE: There's a handsome man with six-pack abs in Mitchell and Cameron's hot tub. On second thought, don't call the police just yet. Better to say hello to this well-toned trespasser first. It's the polite thing to do.

The mystery soaker is a charming young man named Barry (guest star James Marsden). He mistakenly thought it was a community hot tub for the entire building. Barry is studying to be a Reiki master, so he holds his palm over Cam's arm to inject some positive energy. As you can imagine, Mitchell suspects this guy could be cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Mitchell is eventually won over by Barry's charm and Reiki ways. Cam is quite pleased to hear his partner say that he was right about their eccentric new friend. Or was he? The boys thought Barry had moved in to a nearby apartment. In reality, Barry lives in a beautiful castle. Lily's princess castle to be exact. The guy's a loon and Cameron must physically evict him from his daughter's playhouse. Now it's time to call the police.

Jay doesn't want Manny to ride his bike to school. Why? Well, there's an outside chance that the other kids may make fun of him once they see the training wheels. Gloria never taught her son how to ride a bike because she never learned herself. It's just too dangerous. Gloria's mom used to say "that's how people grab you." Jay makes it his mission to teach them both how to ride.

Jay doesn't think Manny will be a great biker anytime soon. He says, "I've seen the kid fall down on that moving sidewalk at the airport, so I didn't have high hopes." But the kid turns out to be a natural. Gloria, on the other hand, is a natural disaster. She needs someone nurturing to teach her how to ride, so she asks Phil. When he's unavailable, Luke volunteers to help.

Luke wants to get rid of all the bad thoughts that are holding Gloria back. The only way to do that is to shoot them away with a semi-automatic water gun. Gloria pedals hard to escape the relentless onslaught of H2O. Soon she's riding down the street without a care in the world until Claire comes out of nowhere to steal her ride. Looks like Mom was right. Biking is dangerous.

Claire swipes Gloria's bike because she's in hot pursuit of that speeding sports car. But alas, she loses her suspect after Laura peels into her garage. An exhausted Claire happens to find her hubby hosting an open house at Laura's place. Phil is panicked. He says, "I wish I were one of those people who thrives on the danger of leading a double-life. You know... Bruce Wayne... Peter Parker... Hannah Montana." Unfortunately, he doesn't own a utility belt, spider-suit or blonde wig.

Phil manages to sidestep some landmines when his loving wife and speedy client finally meet. But things go south fast when Claire asks if she can hitch a ride with Laura. When the sports car screeches out of the driveway, Claire realizes the speed demon she's been chasing is beside her in the driver's seat. Better buckle up, Claire. Better get used to sleeping on the couch, Phil.

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