Phil is looking to make waves in the real estate biz by advertising some of his best features: his family. His slogan is "I can't be satisfied until you're satisfied." Catchy, right? Underneath this poetic prose is a photo of the entire Dunphy clan. The ad will be placed on benches all over town. Phil also makes arrangements to have the advertisement shrink-wrapped around their minivan. Classy!
Claire is preoccupied by the fact that Haley has decided she may not go to college. That's partially why she doesn't notice the driver's side of the minivan with her picture next to the words "I can't be satisfied." The passenger's side isn't much better. There's a nice picture of Haley alongside the words "Let me make your dreams come true." To respond to either of these ads, interested parties should dial Phil's cell number.
Claire and Haley receive numerous honks from other drivers. Both ladies are oblivious as to why. Again, this college thing has Claire preoccupied with thoughts that life has passed her by. As you can imagine, she freaks when she finally catches sight of her sexy shout-out. Phil unwittingly cushions the blow by saying most of the calls he fielded were for the hot blonde. Yes, the perverts of the world helped Claire realize that she still has a few good years left in the tank. So sweet.
Jay's brother, Donnie, is in town. These two love razzing each other to the point where it'll end up in a wrestling match. Gloria wants Jay to attempt to have a real conversation with his brother. The result is the unexpected news that Donnie has cancer. He swears Jay to secrecy, but it doesn't take.
Donnie didn't want anyone to know about his illness because people treat him differently when they find out. Jay just wants his bro to know that he cares about him. Donnie's known that since they were kids. It became abundantly clear the day Jay roughed up the kid who stole his brother's bike. Yeah, these two guys don't ever really say aloud how they feel about each other, probably because they don't have to.
Cameron is Franklin Middle School's current musical director. The theme of the spring show is a musical trip around the world. Mitchell worries that his partner gets a bit too enthusiastic. Nevertheless, he agrees to be nothing but supportive. But after Manny says Cam is driving the cast crazy, Mitchell initiates a bit of a revolt. This gets him banned from the set and inspires Cam to push the cast even harder.
It's show time! Some technical difficulties cause Luke to be suspended in midair for the duration of the performance. There's also an unfortunate incident involving one of the historical figures represented in the show. If only they had fire extinguishers when the real Joan of Arc was alive.
There's still a chance to save the show with a big ending. The last musical number features the entire cast holding up letter cards that spell out the phrase "We Love The World." Actually, it's not the entire cast. Luke is still suspended above the stage. He was supposed to be holding the "L" in "World." Once the Franklin insignia is lowered from above, the message becomes clear. These kids are saying "We Love The F Word."
Needless to say, the show is a complete disaster. But after the curtain closes, Mitchell is there to support his favorite fussy director. Now if he and Cam can just figure out a way to bring Luke back down to the stage floor.
Tale of Three Cities