STORY 1: The Baseball Playoffs
When Luke and Manny's baseball team the Wolves unexpectedly make the playoffs, there isn't a field available for their big game so Claire and Cam take on the task of building one so they will come.
Claire: "Cam is helping me with that baseball field, and Mitchell hates it when he gets all farmed up. His turn-offs are farm, Fizbo and, worst of all, Farmbo."
Cameron: "So how good's Luke's team anyway?"
Claire: "Well you may have seen them on YouTube under "Boy Stuck in Batting Helmet" or "Pitcher Beans Self."
Claire (to Cam, who's pushing a chalker to mark the baseball field's foul lines): "Why does your friend have a chalker?"
Cameron: "Oh, he used it to propose to a skywriter."
Luke (on Manny's batting grip): "Will you choke up a little?"
Manny: "Probably when they play 'The National Anthem.'"
Cameron: "What'd we learn from A League of Their Own?"
Claire: "No crying in baseball."
Cameron: "No, that Madonna is a lousy actress."
Manny: "If every sports movie is correct, I'm going to smack that ball and everyone will chant my name as I round the bases. By the way, is it always counterclockwise or do I get to choose?"
STORY 2: Flipping Out over Flipping a House
If you can build a baseball field, you surely can buy a house and flip it for profit. That's what Claire and Cam think. Phil and Mitchell aren't so sure but neither one wants to be the bad guy, so an underhanded game of double-crossing is afoot when they both pretend to be their partner's supportive cheerleader.
Claire: "Is this your house?"
Mrs. Brooks: "I'm moving in with my son. He's rich. Phone-by-the-toilet rich."
Mitchell: "None of you know anything about flipping houses."
Cameron: "Well, we already have it figured out. I'm going to be the designer because I know about colors and shapes."
Mitchell: "Yeah... so does Lily."
Claire: "I have overseen lots of projects in our home. I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom under budget. Right, Phil?"
Phil: "Yeah, I was a little disappointed when you didn't go for the butt-washing toilet. Otherwise..."
Claire: "You can wash your butt for free."
Phil: "Well, that's not the same, is it?"
Phil (to Mitchell on Claire and Cam's house-flipping plan): "They are not equipped to take this on. We might as well flush all our savings down my boring old toilet."
Cameron: "In this relationship, I'm the gas pedal and you're the brakes."
Mitchell: "OK, wait, wait, wait. Last week, you said that you were the painting and I was the frame."
Cameron: "That's if we were artwork. This is if we were a car."
Mitchell: "I know what part you'd be if we were a horse."
Mitchell: "And then it hit me. I could be exactly like Phil. I could pretend to be on board, forcing the cheerleader to be the bad guy. I know it's underhanded, but that's the way I throw."
Phil: "That's the thing about marriage. You fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary... I think it's all the nagging."
STORY 3: Gloria Sings to the Baby
Gloria tries to ease her baby into the world by singing to it with a microphone connected to her belly. It's definitely not music to Jay's ears, but he's too afraid to confront Gloria about her awful vocals.
Manny (to Gloria talking into her baby microphone): "Who are you talking to? You look like you lost your tour."
Jay (on Gloria singing "Hush, Little Baby"): "Papa'd buy 10 diamond rings to get that mockingbird to shut the hell up. But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster."
Manny: "Do you really want your unborn baby to hear you fighting like this? Studies show it's unhealthy for a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment."
Jay: "Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book."