It's a New Year's Eve without the kids when Jay takes Gloria, Claire, Phil, Mitchell and Cameron out to Palm Springs to ring in 2013. After Gloria gets too tired, Claire and Phil sneak off to get romantic, and Mitch and Cam try to recapture their youth exploring the club scene, Jay is left alone. That is, until Jay meets Billy Dee Williams (guest-starring as himself) in a hotel poker game.
Mitchell: "How many times do we have to hear Claire tell us Luke's hilarious comeback to the pediatrician?"
Cameron: "We should start calling her 'Ranch House,' because she doesn’t have a second story."
Mitchell (to Cam who can't get the attention of the bartender at a gay dance club): "He probably just doesn't notice us."
Cameron: "How can he not notice us? We're the only people in here in sleeves."
Billy Dee Williams: "Hello. I'm Billy Dee Williams."
Gloria: "Hello. I'm Gloria dee wife."
Billy Dee Williams: "Every night is New Year's for Billy Dee."
Gloria (admiring Billy Dee's luxury car): "Oh my god! A classic Rolls Corniche! I have been in love with this car my whole life! In my village, if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't call yourself a drug lord."
Billy Dee Williams (on his car): "Would you like to drive it?"
Gloria: "Does the bear sit in the woods?"
STORY 2: Adventures in Babysitting
Haley and Alex have their hands full babysitting Luke, Manny and Lily on New Year's Eve. The girls try to run interference on Luke, who's invited over classmate Becca for a makeout session. Meanwhile, Becca's cousin Joyce isn’t thrilled to be on a blind date with Manny.
Memorable Quotes:Phil: "Haley, it's New Year's Eve, you sure don’t want to go to a party or something?"
Haley: "And listen to all my friends talk about how awesome college is? I know how awesome college is. That's what got me kicked out."
Cameron: "Lily, are you ready for your big sleepover with your cousins?"
Lily: "Who's watching me?"
Lily: "I'm serious."
Alex: "Hey! You sure you don't want to play 'The Hunger Games' with all of us?"
Haley: "My whole life is a Hunger Game. Why do think I'm so mean to you?"
Manny: "Can I offer you a Piña Delgado? It's my own concoction."
Joyce: "What's in it?"
Manny: "Let's just say it's cool, it's sweet and it's not afraid to embrace its own whimsy."
Joyce: "I'm not saying that."
video Claire is Frigid
video Luke Chooses to Help Alex
video Jay and Mitch Try to Get Even
video Phil Can't Take It Anymore
video Sneak Peek: Dylan Asks to Move In
video Haley Teaches Alex a Lesson About Roommates
video Jay Gets Shot in the Foot
video Mitchell's First Win as a Soccer Coach
video Sneak Peek: Alex Leaves for College a Day Early
video Phil and Claire Accidentally Meddle
video Phil and Claire Meddle Again
video Sneak Peek: Phil Tells Haley About Andy's Plan to Propose
video Haley Asks Andy About His Feelings
video Modern Castle: ABC Mash-Up Minute
video Jay Helps Mitchell Through His Midlife Crisis
video Tips for Surviving Comic-Con
video The Dad Bods of ABC Comedies
video Haley's Hair Catches on Fire
video Cam Thinks Mitch Is Cheating on Him
video Phil Convinces Andy to Propose to Beth