The entire family travels to Florida for the funeral of Phil's mom, Gracie. Alex tries to make sense of the lighter her late grandmother leaves her, while Phil struggles with his mom's final wish: to fix up his newly widowed father, Frank Dunphy (guest star Fred Willard), with neighbor Annie Fitzsimmons. Meanwhile, Cam gossips with the elderly women at Leisure Park, unwittingly stirring up drama amongst the old ladies.
Mitchell (on his job): "It's all boring paperwork and endless meetings. Honestly, this funeral could not have come at a better time.
Cameron: "Oh, that's so sweet. You should put that on the flowers."
Gloria: "I am in mourning. In Colombia, we take death very seriously."
Alex: "Where don't they?"
Claire (reading Gracie's letter): "'Dear Phil, you've always been the most wonderful son, and now I need you to do one last thing for me...'"
Phil: "Oh, no, she's gonna ask me to throw her ashes in the Pope's face."
Claire: "So you're not going to do what your mom asked?"
Phil: "Marry off my dad to a complete stranger? On the day of her funeral? I think not."
Claire: "It was her last wish."
Phil: "When my dad is ready, he gets to pick his own girlfriend. That's the big upside to your wife dying... Also, not having to think before you speak."
Frank (looking at the family photo album): "That was last 4th of July, Grandma's favorite holiday. The Plimptons had a barbecue. Grandma and I got a little tipsy on ginger margaritas. We came home for a catnap and slept right through the big fireworks show. First one she ever missed. Boy, was she mad. I made it up to her with a little fireworks show of our own later."
Frank: "A couple of glowsticks and a slingshot in the backyard."
Frank: "Which led to some pretty memorable lovemaking."
Gloria used to live in Florida, but she's avoided returning because there's a warrant out for her arrest. After she moved out of the state, her roommate turned her place into a brothel and Gloria was still on the lease. To clear her name, Gloria enlists Mitchell to defend her in court, where he finds himself acting as the attorney for all the other random defendants pleading their cases that day.
Gloria: "I am a wanted woman in Florida. I used to live there, and when I left, my roommate made our apartment into a house of prostitution and my name was still on the lease."
Jay: "It's like a traffic ticket. You walk into court and pay a fine, it's done. Quick and easy."
Gloria: "Yes, that was the name of the whorehouse."
Gloria (persuading Mitchell to defend an elderly woman): "Help her so this will go faster! She reminds me of my abuela with her head scarf and her petty theft charges."
Mitchell (to the judge): "Therefore, I submit to you, the only influence my client was under that night was his love of boating."
- 8|7c Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets