STORY 1: The New Manny of the House
Jay and Gloria need a new nanny, since Manny keeps hitting on every woman they hire. When Gloria finds the perfect motivational and health-conscious male nanny (guest star Adam DeVine) named Andy, the new manny is met with resistance from Jay and the original Manny.
Manny (hitting on his nanny): "So Marie, what do you feel like doing for dinner tonight?"
Gloria: "You're eating Dino-Bites because you're a little boy."
Jay (on Manny hitting on his nannies): "I'm telling you, there's an embarrassing press conference in that kid's future."
Jay: "Who are you?"
Andy: "I'm the new manny."
Manny: "Am I being replaced?"
Andy: "My mission is to make all of your lives happier and healthier."
Jay: "Is this because I ate that party sub?"
Jay (on Andy not being the right nanny): "That's a nonstarter. Keep looking."
Gloria: "But he's perfect!"
Jay: "He's a man. It's weird. He's a weird man. He's like Phil only I have to pay for him."
STORY 2: Frank Dunphy and the Hooker
Phil's dad, the recently widowed Frank (guest star Fred Willard), seems lonely so Phil and Jay take him out for a night on the town so he can get his groove back. What he gets instead by accident is a hooker (guest star Peri Gilpin), who has spent the night and needs payment.
Claire: "I should talk to my dad. You know what? He was pretty down after the divorce. I bet he has some insight."
Phil: "Yeah, because you're dad's so in touch with people's feelings? When a man is overcome with emotion at a Celine Dion concert, you do not tell him to grow a pair!"
Phil: "The ship went down but their love lasts forever!"
Jay: "I know a fun place. Tonight: You, me and Frank out on the town!"
Phil: "Oh fun, a three-way!"
Jay: "I already regret this."
Frank: "Truth is, I have a bit of a situation. She says I owe her $500."
Phil: "Please tell me you broke something of hers."
Frank: "No, turns out she's a hooker."
Phil: "You picked up a hooker?"
Frank: "Well, I didn't know she was a hooker!"
Phil: "You're in my kitchen, we have to stop saying 'hooker'!"
Claire (thinking Jeannie the hooker is Frank's therapist): "Hi, I'm Claire. I'm Frank's daughter-in-law and I just want to thank you so much for coming and helping him out this way. It was my idea."
Phil: "No, it wasn't."
Claire: "I've never told anyone this, but I've always wanted to do what you do. I think I'd be really good at it."
Phil: "No, she wouldn't."
Claire: "What are you talking about? It's basically what I do for the whole neighborhood. At least this way I'd get paid for it."
Claire (asking Jeannie to break up a fight between Haley and Alex): "I'm just at my wit's end with these two. I don't suppose you have any experience with teenagers..."
Jeannie: "You two remind me of me and my sister. We used to fight all the time. I used to accuse her of stealing my boyfriend, she would accuse me of trying to stab her. Y'know, sister stuff."
Claire: "Oh my god..."
Jeannie: "Trust me, if I wanted to stab her, that skank be stabbed."
Claire (to Phil): "She's not a therapist, is she?"
STORY 3: Pepper and the Purple Wedding
Pepper Saltzman (guest star Nathan Lane) returns to plan Cam and Mitch's wedding, but they're not too fond of his flashy recommendations for a purple palette and an arrival on a unicorn. They're afraid to offend Pepper, so they try to go behind his back and work with his assistant Ronaldo.
Pepper: "The idea of two men being able to marry, seemed like a fantasy, so I see you riding down the purple aisle on a unicorn."
video The Sleepover
video The Plan
video Phil and Tom Reveal Their Bet
video Jay Differentiates Himself from Walter
video Cam Teaches Lily How to Flirt
video Sneak Peek: The Unexpected Christmas Guest
video Andy and Haley Get Caught Fooling Around
video Alex Meets Her Ghost of Christmas Future
video Gloria Puts an End to the Colombian Christmas
video Mitchell and Cam Practice Silent Night
video ABC Celebrates "Star Wars: The Force Awakens"
video Haley Breaks Things Off with Andy
video Everyone's Junk is Out
video Jay Opens His Junk Drawer of Feelings
video Haley and Andy's One Crazy Adventure
video Phil Finds Trespassers
video Jay Helps Gloria by Distracting Claire
video Phil Shows that He's a Bad Boy
video Gloria Gets Summoned to Jury Duty
video Jay Helps Drive Gloria and Mitchell