STORY 1: Phil Gets Arrested
Phil is hoping to share his love of dance with Luke so he tricks his son into attending a ballroom class by claiming it's "autopsy camp." But Luke gets his payback when he idly watches his dad get arrested and hauled off to jail for Haley's unpaid parking tickets that are registered to Phil's car. On the opposite spectrum of driving, Alex is such an overly cautious driver that Claire has paid Haley to ride in her place whenever Alex practices driving.
Phil: "I had to trick Luke because I'm actually taking him to a ballroom dance class. He's been resisting but it's in his blood. I come from a long line of dancing Dunphys. A kick line, actually."
Claire: "Driving with Alex is torture. She drives so slowly I have to be the only parent who slams on the imaginary gas."
Phil: "Trust me, dancers always get the girls. Remember the great Kevin Bacon from Footloose?
Luke: "More like Foot-loser."
Phil: "It gets better when you find your signature move. They used to call me 'King of the Dips'!"
Luke: "Just because you're a dancer doesn't mean I have to be one, too, cha-cha-cha. Dammit!"
Phil (getting pulled over by the police): "Oh, shoot. Am I gonna get a ticket?"
Luke: "If there's any justice, it'll be a big one, two, three and four... Dammit!"
Luke: "It's called growing up and having your own interests. Like the minister's daughter in your precious Footloose."
Phil: "Wow, using my own movie against me." [Sarcastically clapping] "Let's hear it for the boy."
Officer: "I gotta take you down to the station house..."
Phil: "Seriously, can I just pay you for them now?"
Officer: "At the station house, sir."
Phil: "Can we at least not drive by Middle Earth Comics and Trampoline World? People look up to me in this town!"
Haley (criticizing Alex's driving): "That's a lot of mirror looking, and that's me saying that."
Haley (criticizing Alex's driving): "Good, nice cruising speed. Oh, look! There's that jogger. Now we're in the lead."
Alex: "Can we put the brakes on the sarcasm?"
Haley: "They're worn out."
STORY 2: Cam and Mitch Try to Book a Wedding Venue
Cam and Mitch try to book a fancy carriage house for their wedding, but Mitch hems and haws too long at the exorbitant price tag that the venue is quickly booked for their anniversary date (their first date was on March 28) by the time they finally decide to make a reservation. It turns out that one of Cam's students, Tracy McCoy, has snatched up the place for her sweet 16, so Cam and Mitch try to manipulate her and her bestie Sophie so that they could have a joint b-day celebration at a different location.
Mitchell: "Is this price per person?"
Desk Sergeant: "Yes, excluding alcohol, cake and music."
Mitchell: "What's that, the Mennonite Package?"
Cameron: "Tracy McCoy booked this room? Tracy McCoy's a student of mine. OK, I may have a plan..."
Mitchell: "I am not having a wedding-slash-Hunger Games Sweet 16."
Mitchell (on Tracy and Sophie): "Our venue, our date. Our solution: Talk to them. Patch things up, so that they have the party together again at the original location."
Cameron: "Friends fighting over a boy. Something we know a thing or two about."
Mitchell: "Of course, usually it's gay men, not teenage girls, so we will have to adjust our approach just a... not at all."
Cameron (criticizing Mitchell always hesitating): "What about Las Vegas when you couldn't quite commit to the show?"
Mitchell: "No, no, no! Don't..."
Cameron: "No, no, no. It's fine, we'll just see 'em next time as soon as that tiger un-eats Roy."
video ABC Celebrates "Star Wars: The Force Awakens"
video Haley and Andy's One Crazy Adventure
video Phil Finds Trespassers
video Jay Helps Gloria by Distracting Claire
video Phil Shows that He's a Bad Boy
video Jay Helps Drive Gloria and Mitchell
video Haley Asks Andy About the Movie
video Cam Helps Gloria Recreate Her Lost Recipe
video Gloria's Invitation Verdict
video Gloria Gets Excused
video Claire Won't Give Up
video Gloria Gets Summoned to Jury Duty
video Phil's Duck Village
video Cam the Chameleon
video Gloria Freezes Up
video Claire is Frigid
video Family Thing
video Luke Chooses to Help Alex
video Haley Teaches Alex a Lesson About Roommates
video Jay Gets Shot in the Foot