STORY 1: Feuding with the Thorpes
Phil, Jay and Luke face off against three generations of the Thorpes: Phil is antagonized by his real estate rival Gil Thorpe (guest star Rob Riggle) who just beat out Phil for the title of Social Chair for the local realtors group, Jay is always finding himself in a compromising position when Gil's father Gunther Thorpe (guest star John Heard) is around, and Luke is pitted against Gil Thorpe, Jr. (guest star Rider Joe Bucaro) in the school wrestling match.
Phil (handing over his Social Chair medallion): "Gil, as my predecessor told me, 'Respect the office, respect the medallion!'"
Gil: "Ooh, shiny. How often do you clean this thing?"
Phil: "Every time I shower."
Gil: "Well, don't worry. It's going to get a good buffing tonight when it's swinging against the back of my wife's head!"
Luke: "My match is coming up. Got any final 'dadvice'?"
Phil: "It's starting to sound natural, right?"
Phil: "Whatever's going on in your personal life, when your kid's happy, you're happy. A happy kid is like an anti-depressant. But a natural one, not the kind your husband has to find in your jewelry drawer. Enough said about that."
Gil (bragging about Gil Jr. to psych out Phil): "Hey, did you ever heard about those illegal baby fighting rings they got south of the border?"
Phil: "That's not a real thing."
Gil: "My wife and I brought him down there. Won a whole carload of chickens."
Phil: "He's wrestling Gil Thorpe's kid. I hate that guy! Always trying to make me feel like less of a man."
Jay: "The guy that took your necklace, right?"
Phil: "My medallion!"
Jay: "Call it what you want. I'm just glad I don't have to help you with the clasp again."
STORY 2: Feuding with Lice and a Possum
An outbreak of lice at school spreads to Lily, who's getting picked up by Claire. Mitch and Cam realize that Claire could fall victim to lice, too, but they selfishly don't want to warn her because it would get in the way of their meeting with an in-demand wedding photographer. Meanwhile, Haley and Alex hide out in the basement when a possum sneaks into the house.
Mitchell: "There's a report of lice in Lily's class."
Cameron: "Ugh, it's probably from Portia. You know, she is always so filthy. They had to kick her out of swim buddies because she left a ring around the pool."
Cameron: "Well, it's official. Someone has lice."
Mitchell: "Oh my god. Are you sure?"
Cameron: "I think so. Her head sounds like Pop Rocks."
STORY 3: Fighting for Self-Confidence
On the class field trip to the museum, Manny becomes self-conscious about his squeaky shoes. Manny doesn't want to be ridiculed by his classmates, and Gloria begins to wonder what happened to the old Manny who was more self-confident.
Gloria: "Manny, they have everything here: the Rainforest Experience, the Hurricane Booth, Discovering the Body... We have that one in Colombia, too, but a different kind."
Manny: "It's my new shoes. They're squeaking!"
Gloria: "Then walk softer!"
Manny: "Ugh. Great, it sounds like the floor's made out of cat toys."