Excerpts from Phil's-osophy by Phil Dunphy.
More from Phil's-osophy:
If you get pulled over for speeding, tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea.
You only get one chance at a first impression. I suggest Julia Child because it’s easy to do.
The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations.
Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you’re William Hurt.
Take a lesson from parakeets: If you’re ever feeling lonely, eat in a front of a mirror.
Never be afraid to reach for the stars because even if you fall, you’ll always be wearing a Parentchute™.
Older black ladies make the best iced tea.
Watch a sunrise at least once a day.
If you’re ever in a jam, a crayon scrunched up under your nose makes a good pretend mustache.