Six Reasons Luke Would Be a Good Secret Agent

By Mike Krolak | Jul 10th, 2014

So the clip above got us is Luke Dunphy going to turn out? He doesn't have much in the way of book smarts, but he can be cunning and he's got some street smarts. And he's obviously hilarious. After a lot of thought, we're pretty sure we’ve found the perfect career for him: Secret agent. Sounds crazy? When Manny told him, “You're sneakier than me, you're a better liar, you have no moral compass,” Luke responded, “Those are all nice compliments.” So hear us out…


6. He’ll put in the time to train properly.

Luke won’t just get his weapon and start shooting. (Although we will allow that he kinda did exactly that in the series premiere.) As evidenced by the rigorous dodgeball training routine he laid out for Mitchell, he’s no stranger to hard work. It also proves he’s also no stranger to mind games, so he won’t crack under interrogation.

5. He tells it like it is.

Luke isn’t afraid to speak his mind. That could earn him some quick promotions…or get him fired. But mostly, we know he’ll have some great comebacks if he ever gets captured and his captors are trying to break him. To wit:

Classmate: Why is it taking you so long? How hard is it for you to paint a wall?
Luke: A lot harder than your so-called singing. At least this is supposed to be flat.

4. He’s well suited for espionage.

Not every mission will require kicking down doors with guns blazing. Those stealth missions where he has to be basically invisible? Piece of cake. This is the kid who snuck into three bar mitzvahs in one night and convincingly acted like a loving son sad about his role model father to help Phil secure a real estate deal. Those acting chops might save his life one day.

…but he could use some work in the charm department.

Those missions where he has to seduce the beautiful mistress of the kingpin to gain access to his secret files could be an issue unless Phil gets to tag along and help him flirt. We're pretty sure he'll get better at talking to girls, but when he's infiltrating shady underground businesses he might need to be a little smoother than “I think I found a place where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?”


3. He’s great at improvising.

Now that’s the kind of creativity that’ll go a long way when you’re taking down criminal masterminds. (We won't ask where he plans to procure his human femurs.) Or how about the time he made himself a grilled cheese sandwich in his hotel room: “I had bread. I had cheese. I had an iron. What was I supposed to do?”

…but he’s definitely going to need someone to handle the gadget selection for him.

His mischievous ingenuity will definitely come in handy when he needs a creative fix, but Luke tends to go down the rabbit hole with some fairly silly inventions. While items such as The Real HeadScratcher™ might be handy and relaxing, will they help him escape a super villain’s grasp? Doubtful. At least, not based on how the commercial he and Phil wrote explains it:

2. He’s a team player -- but not afraid to go solo.

Luke’s been loyal to Manny for years, and that’s a good thing. Loyalty is important in the spy game. But when the time comes for Luke to start running missions on his own, he’ll embrace the moment. Of course, it’s equally possible he’ll go rogue someday -- after all, this is the guy who once said this:

1. Bottom line: He gets the job done.

Perhaps it’s moral flexibility, perhaps it’s just a desire to succeed. But Luke knows how to be tough when the situation requires it. Like when he has to help the family "send a message." Or when he had almost no response to his neighbor and friend Walt’s death. (He grieved in his own TV-thieving way.) That’s the kind of steely resolve you need to survive out there.

Yep, Luke's definitely ready to tackle this job. When he and Manny found a mysterious box in the attic, Luke wasn't fazed: “Wake up, Delgado. Dark box? From Colombia? No more questions. It's obviously a severed head.”