Sheila: "Children should be raised in a respectable 3-bedroom home."
Chatswin Mom #1: "With a picket fence!"
Chatswin Mom #2: "And window boxes."
Sheila: "It takes a village, George. And we're the village people."
Sheila: "Who brought the Stevia? No one? No one brought the Stevia. Unbelievable."
Hotel Manager: "There is choas on the service floor, sir. Chaos. Fighting, hair-pulling, tears. I'm afraid I'm going to have to invite you to leave."
Noah: "Wait a minute, you're kicking me out for LOVING the service here?"
Hotel Manager: "Precisely right."
George: "Something wrong?"
Noah: "Nope...All right, I'm a little worried that Opus and I might bleed to death...from the million little cuts that we're going to get from these rough sheets. Look, we've already been through so much."
George: "You know you can't live in a playhouse."
Noah: "One man's playhouse is another man's real house. Peter Dinklage said that. JK."
Tessa: I don't know if I want to hear this story."
Fred: Oh, you're worried there's gonna be sex? Don't be. There's never any sex in any of my stories."
Fred: "As a junior secretary, I know where I stand. My blood pressure's down, I even have my own catchphrase: 'Anybody need anything?'"
Sheila: "Say maybe YOU should stay home with the kids and I should join the work force."
Fred: "Are you trying to have it all? Because I thought we'd agreed that we'd each have some."
Fred: "I've never been happier. Sheila's out pounding the pavement and I'm home pounding the cutlets. I even let my phone die. Along with my dreams. JK. #NotReally."
Dallas discovers Dalia is a hoarder after opening her closet.
Dallas: "What in blue blazers is going on in here?"
Dalia: "What's the problem, Mommy?"
Dallas: "Dalia, this closet is bursting at the seams like a Christina Aguilera dress...which is not a comment on her weight, but rather on the tightness of her attire."
Dalia: "I know. She really crams it in there. Just like me with my closet. I need a bigger one."
Dalia: "That's my first Lambo, Mommy. It only has 10,000 miles on it, you can't give it away."
Dallas (to George): "Careful! Those are gateway sheets. That's exactly how it started with Dalia. At first it was small things - designer diapers, toddler tanning bed - then the next thing you know, you're standing in JFK trying to explain to U.S. Customs why you're smuggling half a dozen baby leopards into the country, none of whom survived the flight."