In typical Chatswin fashion, everyone in town is attending a stupid fundraiser for another stupid charity. The only reason the men even attend is to participate in the raffle, which is an all-expenses paid trip to Atlantic City. While Noah is feeling luckily, he doesn't win... but George does! George is way overdue for a guys night out, so he invites Noah to go with him. And Fred. And those two closeted gay neighbors.
George begrudgingly leaves Tessa alone at home, Fred lies to Sheila about visiting his dying aunt and all five guys hit the streets of New Jersey. During a champagne toast in their penthouse suite, Fred goes into panic mode. Apparently he has a serious gambling problem that he didn't mention on the way over. How convenient. It's also worth mentioning that Fred is wearing a Hawaiian T-shirt and sandals over his socks. No significance... just a nice visual.
Anyway, while George tries to keep Fred away from the slots, he runs into Dallas's husband who is dining with another woman. That's funny, Dallas just told George her husband is in Singapore... hmmm... oh, and then Fred bets 14k on a horse race and wins but tries to hang himself because Sheila will be able to sense he was gambling and she will murder him. Yeah, that was a lot of information for one sentence.
Back in Chatswin, Tessa is busy trying to figure out how to seduce Scott Strauss when he comes over for some alone time. Lisa uses this opportunity to lend Tessa her very own love box, equipped with mix CDs, condoms and chocolate sauce. Unfortunately, the box doesn't get any use because Scott has no intention of "going tribal" on her. All he wants to do is hang out fully clothed. He even leaves early, explaining he has to take it slow with her because he's seen horrible things... like vaginal birth. Ew. Looks like they will be taking this relationship very, very slowly.
After a rough night for both members of the Altman family, George returns home to Tessa's big hug. She's so excited to see him, she even calls him "Dad." It's a cute reunion until George discovers Lisa's love box in Tessa's room. Uh-oh. Finding a box of condoms is exactly what made George move out of the city in the first place! We'll have to wait until next week for George to confront Tessa, but we're willing to bet that George won't make Tessa move again. After all, where could they move that would possibly be any better than Suburgatory?