Story 1: Tessa sets up Lisa on a blind date after Lisa desperately dates a middle schooler.
Tessa: "What are you looking for in a man primarily?"
Lisa: "Limbs. I mean I'd like it if he had four, but I'd certainly be okay with three... or two. I guess if he was armless we couldn't hold hands, but, yeah, I would consider dating a torso."
Tessa: [Writing it down] "Must have torso..."
Tessa: [Reading a personal ad] "Let's hold hands --"
Lisa: "He has hands?! Or do you think he's just lying to sound good?"
Story 2: Dallas hires ex-boyfriend, Yoni, to cure Yakult of her depression.
Dalia: "Are you my daddy?"
Yoni: "No. Well, certainly not yet."
Dalia: "But you're trying to be."
Yoni: "It's less about me being your daddy, and more about the other guy NOT being your daddy... also, I'd like the use of your guest house for another 4-6 weeks. I'm in between places and my credit is... iffy."
Dallas: [Regarding Yakult in a dog cage] "George, I can't! Set her free!"
George: "Dallas, can we just try this, please?"
Dallas: "She doesn't even have a Morgan Freeman to Shawshank her!"
Yoni: "I knew it was either George Altman or a parasitic tapeworm. Oh, I forgot. Same thing. Burn."