Story 1: Tessa convinces Ryan to attend an art house movie with her on Valentine's Day, with surprising results.
Ryan: "Don't those art house movies have a lot of like, dialogue?"
Tessa: "Well, according to NPR this one is thrilling. They gave it two quills up! It's called Sea of Anguish."
Ryan: "Oh, is it based on a water park ride? I tend to really respond to movies based on water park rides!"
Tessa: "Ok, so, what was that part with the masked guys bowing to the horse statue about?"
Ryan: "That was about war."
Tessa: "Oh yeah? What about the monkey running through the art musem?"
Ryan: "That was about freedom."
Story 2: Dallas has a bad reaction to a cosmetic procedure and leaves George dining solo on an 18-course meal prepared by renowned Chef Julio.
Dallas (walks out from behind a screen): "How bad is it? Tell me I don't need to cancel my date with George tonight."
Dalia: "Remember that guy in Florida who got his entire face eaten off by an alligator and then had reconstructive surgery and then when the pictures surfaced everyone was like, 'Wait, this is after the surgery? What the hell did he look like before the surgery?' "
Dalia: "Well if that guy had a baby with the Elephant Man and that baby got really old and then something on that baby got infected, that would be you."
Maitre d': "For your fifteenth course, we present a pork belly and veal tongue hash finished with shards of microbeak in a freshly lambed foam."
George: "Lambed? Did you---It's a verb? Lambed? To lamb? Who lambed it?"
Chef Julio: "I did. I lambed it this morning."
Story 3: Sheila's mom, Gam Gam, comes for a visit and causes tension between the Shays.
Fred: "Well, I do play cardio ping pong once a week with the boys down at the club."
Fred: "Wow, what have we here?"
Sheila: "In keeping with the Spanish theme of our evening, I've made some mini churros with chocolate sauce."
Fred: "Mrs. Shay! What decadence!"
Sheila: "Keep it in your pants Fred, they're oven baked. Though I did use a heavy hand on the cinnamon shaker."