Lisa: "Come on Tessa, why not, it would be fun!"
Dalia: "Tessa's not fun. Tessa's prematurely boring."
Tessa: "I beg your pardon?"
Tessa: "I am SCADS of fun."
Dalia: "Fun people don't say 'scads.'"
Tessa: "Which one of these tops says, 'I'm enjoying my youth as much as you, reckless teens'?"
George: "The green one."
Noah (after George leaves another voicemail for Dallas): "Let me guess, she's mad at you. I'm going through the same thing with my old lady."
George: "You mean your old cleaning lady?"
Noah: "I don't know. She's kept me at Swiffers length ever since I confessed my love for her. I don't know maybe I didn't come on strong enough, maybe I didn't prove myself...I'm considering challenging her father to a knife fight."
Carmen: "Mr. Werner, why are you dressed like the Tapatio man?"
Noah: "Because I know you love him and I want to give old Tapatio a run for his dinero. I want to be the man you reach for when you're hungry!"
Carmen: "Oh, brother."
Noah (after he finds out Carmen and his psychiatrist are seeing each other): "This is incredibly unprofessional."
Bob: "Noah, I take it I won't be seeing you at our usual time on Monday?"
Noah: "Uh, no! I don't think so. But I'm not cancelling now, I'm cancelling the morning of! You hear that? I'm cancelling the morning of!"
Bob: "I understand. But I'm afraid if you do that, I'll still have to bill you for the hour. And keep in mind that your insurance won't reimburse you for a missed appointment. So I'm just going to ask you one more time, are you cancelling?"
Noah (dejectedly): "Yes, I'm cancelling. I'm cancelling."
Story 3: George's Birthday
After Tessa's birthday gift reminds George of his ex, Dallas worries he'll never love her as much as he loved Alex.
George: "You know I always wondered if I could pull one of these off."
Dallas: "Of course you can, George! You deserve a guitar as sexy as you...AND the man who autographed it."
George: "O-kay, yes, well..."
Dallas: "Deryck Whibley! It's a signed Whibley, George!"
Lisa: "My father weeps every birthday but it has less to do with being emotional about gifts and more to do with the death clock ticking loudly in his ears."
Dallas (angry that George forgot the guitar she gave him at the restaurant): "George!"
George: "Oh, hey Dallas, okay honest opinion, should this go above the drafting table or by the bar?"
Dallas: "Gee, I don't know, maybe you oughta hang it where the sun don't shine!"
Dallas: "What should I do Jill, tell me. You're the strongest white woman I know, besides Pink."
Jill: "Look Dallas, I can't sit here and pretend to have all the answers. When Noah first left, I was filled with despair. Then, I did something radical. I did something that no one in their right mind would do. I purchased Eat, Pray, Love on Blu-ray. You heard me. I own it now."
Dallas: "You may be pinterested to know that your Mommy's done giving her love away. From now on, I'm going to eat, pray, love MYSELF."
Dalia: "Well can you love yourself somewhere else? Truth is I'm having a party tonight and I'm going to need you to get the H out of our H."