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Ep301 No Me Gusta, Mami

01/15/14 Season 3 TV-PG D, L
Story 1: Tessa and George Give Chatswin a Second Chance

After Alex disappears, George tries to rebuild his relationship with Tessa and he introduces her to his new dog. But when Sheila Shay discovers that there’s a dog on the loose in Chatswin, she dedicates herself to tracking the canine fiend and it’s up to Tessa and George to protect him.
 
Memorable Quotes:

George: "Ok, listen to this one: 'Cozy, pre-war charmer.' Look at that!"
Tessa: "Mmm. That means it's a walk-up with no air conditioning."
George: "What? No it does not, you cynic. It means it has character.
Tessa: "It means it is the worst apartment in the whole entire world."
George: "It's in the East Village."
Tessa: "Then it's already gone."

Sheila: "I am not about to let some street rat bogart our real-estate blunt! Fred, where's my tranq gun?"

Fred (to Lisa): "Ever since your brother left for college, I'm afraid your mother is even more herself than usual. She's a Scorpio, which means she channels her grief into rage."

George: "Look, we're out of here soon. The three of us will just lay low until we figure out where we're going."
Lisa: "You can't lay low, you're not Christine Lahti, Judd Hirsch, and River Phoenix, are you? ...Are you?"

Lisa: "You know I can't lie. When I do, I release an odor. It is a lying stench. Sheila will be able to smell it from a mile away."
George: "Ok, well then we need to be a mile away. And you need to see a doctor."

Sheila: "Now, I misted the pavement with a homemade beef spray to entice him."
Fred: "I'll tell you who is enticed: me! Bow wow wow, Mrs. Shay. The G.I. Jane look is doing it for me. It is doin' it!"
Sheila [Shoots Fred with a tranquilizer dart]: "Sorry, Fred. Idyllic pre-hamlets do not have middle-aged couples fornicating in the bushes."

____________________
 
Story 2: Dalia vs. Dallas
 
Upset about Dallas's break-up with George, Dalia shuns her mother.

Memorable Quotes:

Dallas: "You know, you may not want to talk to me tonight, and you may not want to talk to me tomorrow, and you may not want to talk to me the day after tomorrow, or the day after that...the following week you may still wish not to talk to me, and then I suppose the holidays could come and go without you really wanting to talk...I'd be surprised if it carried through to graduation, but I suppose it could. However! There's going to come a time when you do indeed want to talk to me, and I'm here to tell you, when that fine day comes, I will be here!
Dalia: "Mommy..."
Dallas: "Yes!"
Dalia: "Will you get the hell out of my room now?"
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