I was perfectly content spending my elective period reading in the handicapped stall. But apparently they don’t hand out grades for that. And since I didn’t have a burning desire to analyze Celebrity Rehab, I signed up for the school paper, which was its own version of sad. “The Chatswin Chronicle” and its editor Malik had a penchant for breaking stories on the cafeteria menu and other things high school students don’t care about. So I decided to liven things up by turning “The Chronicle” into “The Chatterer,” the school’s premiere gossip rag. Never again.
For a school that loves gossip, Chatswin High has no idea what qualifies. Ashton and Demi on the rocks is gossip (well, to people who care). Pamela Swifty hiding croutons in her salad is not. But this is what my life has become since creating “The Chatterer.” AP English yesterday was a flood of non-stories. Chris Kelso has snow on the mountain because his prescription dandruff shampoo stopped working. Laurel Harvey shops at thrift stores unironically. And Megan McGillicuddy just found out she has a legitimate peanut allergy, not to be confused with her fake chocolate allergy. Thank God she’s been pretending she can’t eat Rocky Road.
I’m going to right this ship before things get out of hand. After that, the school can obsess over Zoe Derr’s muffin top without me. I’ll be in study hall watching Dr. Drew help Amy Fisher make a breakthrough.