As tempting as it is to share my thoughts on Eden moving into the house, it would probably be best to resist the urge. The Internet is an unreliable medium, and people could twist my words to temper my feelings. So I will instead talk about work. Granted, George had my hours at the store cut back, but that doesn’t mean I can’t work from home. And that is precisely what I intend to do now. Friends, we here at The Crystal Cup of Crystals are offering you the inside track on some amazing merchandise we have priced to move. Of course, by “priced to move” I mean we’ve settled on a cost just short of priceless, but stop by the store and tell me that’s not more than generous. No one said crystal comfort came cheap. They just said it was worth every penny, and who am I to argue.
First up, we have The Billy Crystal. Now, this didn’t sell at the store opening party and, frankly, I’m not surprised. The poor soul who purchased it in front the entire town would find himself the subject of a fair amount of jealousy from his friends and neighbors. Best to buy this treasure in private, and that’s precisely what you can now do. We’ve dedicated an entire room to the crystalized holographic image of the 3-time Golden Globe nominee. So stop by and be the first, last, and only to own The Billy Crystal. To quote the man himself, it looks mahvelous.
Have you ever looked at a padlock and thought it could use some class? I know I have. Sure, they serve their purpose functionally, but who decided function should trump appearance? I know I didn’t. Thank goodness someone out there is with me. Sloren Van Der Flont Crystal has just released its inaugural line of crystal padlocks and let me tell you something: they are stunning. Now, I know what you’re thinking, -- wouldn’t it be easy for someone to just shatter the lock and steal whatever they want? No. It wouldn’t. This is a lock so beautiful no burglar would dare break it.
I’m running out of time, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention one final item. What is the one thing Prada, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton have all tried and failed to perfect? You would be correct if your answer is the crystal purse. Weighing in at ten pounds -- less than half the weight of its nearest competitor -- this beautiful new take on the handbag is poised to become all the rage. And if the ten pounds is a drawback, let me ask you a question -- have you ever had trouble finding something in your purse? Because that becomes a problem of the past with this beautiful accessory. I would gladly trade that for a few extra crystalline pounds on my arm.
Thank you so much for your time, and I look forward to seeing you in The Crystal Cup of Crystals soon.