Okay, I’m hitting my breaking point. I can’t stay in Chatswin any longer. George’s pregnant girlfriend, Eden, has moved in with us. Why? I’m not particularly certain. What is clear is that I’ve had to say goodbye to my beloved Toaster Strudels which have been replaced by chia seed porridge. Yes, chia seed. The same thing that they make Chia Pets from is currently taking up real estate in my digestive tract.
So, when Lisa invited me to macramé camp with her I got an idea. I needed to come up with summer plans to get me out of this town. And while Lisa’s passionate speech about yarn was endearing, macramé camp was not for me. It didn’t take long for me to decide that I needed to head back to my roots. Back to New York.
Then it was just a matter of figuring out what institution would be lucky enough to have me be their summer intern –- which, considering Eden took away the wireless internet –- was a difficult task. I ruled out the MET, both the museum and the opera. I considered “The Daily Show” or “The Colbert Report.” But ultimately I decided to apply at “The Village Voice” cause I figured it would give me access to some great concerts and events, plus I’d be getting some journalism experience aside from “The Chatterer.”
What I didn’t see coming was Eden encouraging me to drop off my application in person, especially after she caught me using the wireless router. (I also wasn’t expecting her to bring up her urinary history, but I’d prefer to block that out.) So I headed to the city -- to The Voice -– to show that I’m willing to go the extra mile. I have to say, I think I made quite an impression on Troy. Pretty sure I’ll be seeing a lot more of him this summer.