Brick has a crush on a girl in his class named Autumn Wagner. She has pink lips and can do three cartwheels in a row! Yes, she's a catch. Our boy Brick doesn't want this Autumn babe to know he likes her, so he signs her Valentine's Day card with a question mark. He'll be her secret admirer.
Frankie's banned from participating in school activities, so Mike must help out with V-Day festivities in Brick's classroom. What could go wrong, right? Well, Mike spills the news of his son's secret crush to Autumn's mom. Brick is horrified and Frankie thinks the only reason he blabbed was to make small talk with a hot mom. Mike also gets mad at Frankie when he learns she only pretended to like Reservoir Dogs when they first started dating.
Mike tries to make amends for his earlier goof by telling Autumn that the unsigned Valentine she received didn't come from Brick. He steers her towards a boy named Jake, who is more than happy to take credit for the card. Not good. Mike tries to make things right and, once again, things go south. He ends up getting banned from all future classroom activities, too. Fortunately, Autumn realizes Brick is her real secret admirer. He invites her in to show her some of his favorite fonts. Hope the little lady is fond of Copperplate Gothic!
Frankie is pleasantly surprised when Axl asks if she would accompany him to the mall to help find a Valentine's Day gift for new girlfriend Vanessa. It's not going to be easy. Vanessa is a little older (19) and a little different (she has tattoos, pink hair and a slightly shaved head). Frankie is about to go ballistic until Axl asks if she'd like to grab a bite at the food court. Her son actually invited her to lunch. It's a Valentine's Day miracle!
Frankie pushes the envelope. She tricks Axl into having dinner with her under the guise that it's a scouting mission for his date with Vanessa. She's totally hooked. Frankie asks her firstborn baby boy if he'd like go out again the next night. Of course, Axl already has plans with scary biker chick Vanessa. Frankie is bummed that she won't be going on any more dates with her son. Hey, she still has Mike, so she cuddles up on the couch with him to watch the always-romantic Reservoir Dogs.
Sue has been looking for the mystery boy with whom she shared her first kiss on Halloween. Since then, she's done a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the greater Orson area. Well, not really. But she has looked for him. By the way, that whole "hard-target search" thing is from The Fugitive, a flick in which Neil Flynn has memorable scene as a transit cop.
Carly has Sue thinking that maybe her mystery kisser was just a figment of her imagination. That theory evaporates when Sue actually bumps into the boy in the school hallway. She instantly knows it's him though he doesn't seem to recognize her at all. Makes sense. The last time they saw each other was on Halloween when Sue was dressed as a giant crayon.
The kid just transferred from Bobby Knight Junior High, which was outside of Sue's 40-mile search radius. He's in range now and needs someone to show him to his Spanish class. Sue leaps at the chance to spend some time with boy to jog his memory, but he's quickly swallowed up by the popular crowd. Sigh.
Sue believes the only way she can get this boy to remember their kiss is to crash the Valentine's Day dance dressed like a giant crayon. Hey, at least her color is somewhat reddish. Alas, it's hard to hang at a school dance while 200 kids are laughing at you. Sue does a quick about-face only to see that her mystery kisser has followed her out the door. His name is Joe and he does remember her. Not only that, Joe says he'll see her around. Feel free to let out a joyous, high-pitched Sue scream if you'd like. Happy Valentine's Day!