Amber’s got a big school dance coming up, and Jeremy, the most popular guy at school, asked her to be his date. It’s a dream come true…except Marty and Debbie (and Larry and Jackie) are going to be chaperones.
Debbie and Marty had drama at a high school dance. They went with other people, but ended up in love. It’s beautiful, and Debbie wants to relive the magic. Reggie’s just happy that going to the dance with someone who isn’t your soulmate isn’t the end of the world -- he’s pretty sure he and Amber are meant to be together. Reggie finds a fellow nerdmate, Gisele, to accompany him to the dance. She brings her turtle.
Amber: Jeremy asked me to the dance. I know, it’s crazy. very girl wanted him to ask her and he asked me. I feel like Princess Diana. Would have felt, if Prince Charles wasn’t the product of inbreeding.
(Amber spots Debbie on her school’s campus)
Amber: Why are you here right now? Grandma had better be dead.
Debbie: Grandma’s fine, sadly. I’m signing your father and myself up to be chaperones for the dance.
Amber: Then I’m signing up for the Army. Afghanistan. I’m going to be a minesweeper. Deal?
Debbie: Oh, it’s a flower you strap to your wrist. It’s what boys bring girls for dances.
Jackie: A wrist flower? That sounds preposterous…and yet now I really want one.
Jackie: I want a dramatic story about how you won me. The way we got together was so easy. So boring.
Larry: Oh yes, the universe drew us together through space and time to a perfect union. What a snooze festival.
Debbie (re: Amber’s school dance night): I hope she has fun. I hope it’s magical.
Marty: I hope it’s platonic. And I hope that Jeremy is a eunuch.
Debbie and Jackie want romance, and they’re not getting it because Marty and Larry are hanging out together the whole time, busting kids and generally abusing their chaperone duties. After some Debbie and Jackie spend time sad on the back steps with a plethora of high school girls, Reggie joins them. You see, he’s spilled his heart to Amber and she doesn’t feel the same. He’s crushed.
But Debbie knows that goofy Marty really is her soulmate, even if he’s too busy doing the Weaver Running Man to tell her sometimes. Reggie is heartened by her resilience, and ends up finding he has a lot in common with Gisele. Larry has been stringing Jackie along -- he shows up halfway through the dance with a fancy car and a corsage for her. And Marty and Debbie get busted while making out in the library by guest star Judd Nelson, of Breakfast Club fame. Success all around!
Marty: Girls, you missed it! We chased down these kids with a flask. They tried to get away by jumping over these bushes but they fell in face first! Haha! There was blood!
Larry: I love chaperoning!
Marty: When I went outside to break it off with my date, she was very upset, so I tried to comfort her. And then one thing led to another, and… You get what I’m saying?
Reggie: Not if there’s subtext.
Debbie: You may think that you totally found your soulmate, and she doesn’t feel the same way, but that just means you weren’t soulmates. So get back out there and keep looking because you will find her!
Jackie: Yes! Like Debbie Weaver will find her real soulmate. Tonight she suffers because she has learned that it isn’t Marty, but she will get back out there and find him, despite her age!
Debbie: The library, huh? Reliving old memories?
Marty: All the good sulking spots were taken by crying, kissing or puking teenagers, so…