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Ep119 I Believe I Can Drive

03/06/13 Season 1 TV-PG

Debbie’s typical day? Probably driving somewhere, often and repeatedly. It’s exhausting. Good news is on the horizon though, because Amber’s taking dri ver’s ed, so she’ll be able to ease the load. Except her driver’s ed teacher is pretty awful, as is Amber at driving.

Larry and Jackie decide to take up driving too, so Marty offers to teach them. Jackie’s a natural. Larry Bird…is not. He’s horrified about hitting the gas, and he’s equally horrified about hitting the brakes. Not a good combo.

Memorable Quotes:

Debbie: What do you do every day all afternoon with Dick Butkus?
Jackie: Dick’s always had an old soul. An old female soul. He’s the perfect afternoon companion. He’s a woman’s best friend.
Dick: It’s true. I’m the Laverne to her Shirley. The Gilmore Girl to her other Gilmore Girl.
Jackie: Speaking of which…
Dick: Season 6 is locked and loaded, subtitles are on.

Ms. Porsche: I love cars so much that my nickname is Ms. Porsche. That’s “Porsche” like the car, not “Portia” like the lesbian. But let’s be clear, I am a lesbian. But my name is spelled like the car.

Jackie gets her license, but Larry quits on it. And not only that, he starts protesting cars, trying to get them banned from the neighborhood. Meanwhile, Debbie manipulates Jackie into running all her errands by playing on her naivete. They reconcile after Jackie explains that it’s OK to ask for help every now and then -- deception is not required.

Amber and Larry sneak out in the middle of the night to practice driving because they both really want to learn, but Larry crashes the car. After Amber and Larry fess up, they both ask for Marty’s help with lessons. He just has to promise to not treat Amber like a little girl. (Presumably, no such requirement exists with regards to Larry, though it’s not discussed.)

Memorable Quotes:

Jackie: I really only care for Third Eye Blind’s “Semi-Charmed Life.” It’s really the only perfect thing to come out of this planet. That and Free Willy.

Larry: “Kumbaya, my lord…God hates cars…”

Larry: Amber, would you describe us as two unlikely best friends?
Amber: No. We’re more like two neighbors who can’t drive.

Larry: I’m sorry, Marty. I will pay for the damage, as money is no object to me.
Marty: Well, thank you. For the first part. The second part was an unnecessary and infuriating detail.

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