Thursdays 9|8c
Season 1
Lice and Beary White
Lice and Beary White
Season 1 | Episode 108 | Aired 11/12/2013

STORY 1: When lice attack the Harrison household, Kate and Jackie band together to show Diane that she isn't great at everything she does.

Bert: "My head tingles."
Diane: "Well that's because there's lice dying all over your scalp."

Diane: "Kate, listen to me, because this is most important: cappuccino."
Kate: "Making coffee is the most important?"
Diane: "Oh cappuccino isn't coffee...a former barista should know that."
Kate: "I was never a barista."
Diane: "Oh. I thought you had a job once."

Kate: "Just listen to me. She thinks she's so perfect, nobody's perfect. Just look at Lance Armstrong!"
Jackie: "Do you think she's juicing? No, I've thought that!"
Kate: "We have to teach her that she's not perfect."
Jackie: "I am reading your mind...What are you thinking?

Kate: "I'm sorry again about the whole shampoo switcheroo." [When she gets no response, starts talking as Diane.] "That's ok, Kate. I would've done the same thing if I were you."
Diane: "You are the Typhoid Mary of this lice outbreak."


STORY 2Warren and Bert fight about custody of the teddy bear Beary White.

Bert: "Fact: Warren stole Beary White. Fact: stealing is wrong. Fact: Warren is wrong!"
Pete: "That's a very strong argument."
Warren: "How is that strong? Anyone can do that! Fact: I am hungry. Fact: I want a cookie. Fact: I am a cookie."
Bert: "You're not a cookie."

Pete: "Do you guys know the Judgment of Solomon?"
Warren: "Is that a video game?"
Pete: "No."
Warren: "Then no." 

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