STORY 1: When Hillary starts sneaking around on the weekends, Pete overreacts and makes matters worse. Kate tries to take over from Pete and Diane, but she finds that her own parental style needs work.
Kate: "Don't do this. I don't want us to be that kind of family, I want us to be one of those fun families where everyone's best friends and we wear each other's clothes and we're in a band together and we share surfboards."
Pete: "You're confusing family with a gang of beach hobos."
Kate: "Just don't snoop in her room."
Pete: "I'm going to snoop."
Kate: "You'll regret it."
Pete: "Call me Dr. Dre. Because I'm about to Snoop, Dogg."
Kate: "No more of this CIA parenting, ok? No more interrogating. No more snooping. I'll handle it."
Diane: "Oh really, you're handling it?"
Kate: "Yes. I'm going to go talk to her as a friend. Some of us don't want to live in an Orson Wellian future. "
Diane (to Pete after Kate leaves): "What the hell is an 'Orson Wellian future'?"
STORY 2: Jackie tries to finagle a jewelry deal with the parent of one of Bert's friends.
Kate: "Jackie, how did you get in here?"
Jackie: "Through the doggy door."
Kate: "Oh, of course."
Jackie: "I can collapse my collarbone."
Jackie: "Ok so here's what I’m thinking: Sawyer's mom Kirsten owns this really hip boutique shop that would be a great showcase for my jewelry creations because, I'm sorry, but being a full-time jewelry designer has been kind of my dream for I don't even know how long. Like, weeks!"
Bert: "But what about your job?"
Jackie: "Oh, you know real estate's great for those that are business savvy, which I am, but I've been asking myself lately, 'You know, Jackie, why are you not fulfilled?'"
Jackie: "Like, happy. So I think getting my jewelry into Sawyer's mom's shop is kind of exactly what I need. Wait, why am I on the freeway?"