STORY 1: When Warren and Hillary misbehave on Kate’s watch, Diane convinces Kate to actually punish them for once. Kate lays down a harsh sentence...which the kids are able to exploit to “punish” her.
Diane: "I don't have time to empathize. Punishing is part of being a parent, and thanks to Peter's inability to date casually, that's something that you now are."
Kate: "Yeah, but you're just so good at it, you know, so you should just do it."
Diane: "No. Because I'm not always going to be here."
Kate: "Ohhh, because you're going to die before me?"
Diane: "No, because I have a job."
Kate: "If you're trying to break me, it's not going to work. I'm unbreakable. Like Bruce Willis or Samuel L. Jackson, or whichever one is unbreakable in that movie about that guy that's unbreakable."
Warren: "Oh, Signs!"
Diane: "Kate, I believe in you. In this particular case. At this moment in time."
STORY 2: Pete and Jackie realize their hostility toward each other might be affecting Bert, and they try to be civil for an entire round of mini golf.
Pete: "We're not bad parents. We don't badmouth each other."
Jackie: "Yeah! We definitely don't do that. Around Bert. On purpose."
Bert: "You know what flavor I want? Arrrrgh-ange sherbet."