Bert: "[I want to invite] Chris Harrison!"
Kate: "Your dad's cousin, with the little arm?"
Bert: "No! The host of 'The Bachelor'!"
Kate: "Why him?"
Bert: "I want him to bring my mom a rose."
Kate: "The soccer moms think I used to be a stripper. A stripper!"
Jackie: "Well, you know, legs for days, [you] smell like vanilla, you always have singles for the vending machine...I can see it."
Jackie: "I'm going to share with you a little wisdom from my hot air balloon instructor: 'Rise above it.'"
Hillary: "O-kay, so we're not talking about my issue."
Kate: "Not when there are women out there telling people that I'm a stripper!"
Hillary: "Wait, what? That makes NO sense. You have no rhythm!"
Kate: "Exactly, even my heartbeat is irregular!"
STORY 2: Diane refuses to admit she made a mistake when she makes an illegal left turn while going to pick up Bert's birthday cake.
Pete: "There's a line! You think the rules don't apply to you."
Diane: "Yes. I told you that on our first date."
Woman in Line: "There's a line, lady."
Pete: "I'm sorry. She's normally exactly like this."
STORY 3: Warren develops a guy crush on the object of Hillary’s affection, Graham, a dancer at Bert's birthday party.
Graham: "Between dancing and surfing, I don't have time for a girlfriend."
Warren: "You're a dancer AND a surfer?"
Graham: "Surfing's just, dancing with the ocean."
Warren: "And dancing's just like surfing with the floor!"