STORY 1: When Kate finds Pete's old wedding videos, she realizes she wants a wedding of her own. But as the preparations begin, Kate discovers she’s in the country illegally. This triggers a visit from an INS agent, and Kate and Pete must prove they’re not in a green card marriage.
Kate: "Why do you guys still have a VCR?"
Tevin: "Because technology's cyclical. Think about fire. People are using it again."
Kate (watching Pete and Diane's wedding video): "Whoa. I always thought Pete married Diane because he was too afraid to break up with her. But they kind of look...happy."
Tevin (sniffling): "They're perfect together."
Pete: "Kate, will you marry me? ...Again? ...In front of people?"
Sad Steve: "Nice kilts! What's the occasion?"
Warren: "Oh, Dad's getting married again!"
Sad Steve: "Boy, I am so sorry things didn't work out with Kate. I mean, I gotta admit, I can't say it was a total surprise--"
Pete: "Kate and I are renewing our vows!"
Pete: "[The INS is] going to grill us like it's The Newlywed Game, and the consolation prize is Canada."
Kate: "Is that why you're dressed like a counselor at a fat camp?"
Pete: "This is a regular guy who does not have two ex-wives and a hot young wife that he bought on the internet."
Kate: "Yup! Right. Trick the government with costumes."
Kate: "Oh my God, Pete! We are so failing this test. And it's all my fault. Why did I even want a stupid wedding? Now I'm going to get deported back to Canada, you're going to go to prison, we're never going to have a wedding video, and your fourth wife is never even going to know that I existed!"
STORY 2: Jackie struggles with telling Bert she’s dating Sad Steve.
Pete (to Jackie): "If you really like Steve, you should tell Bert. If he's mature enough to day trade, he's mature enough to know you're dating."
Diane: "That is absurd! Even in this day and age of secular hedonism, there are some relationships that are private and sacred! Oh -- what I meant to say was, I don't care."