Welcome, Bachelor Nation! Bachelor in Paradise 2018 is finally here. A whole gang of your favorite bachelors and bachelorettes who missed out on love during their respective seasons are back and headed to Mexico where they'll mingle, have some cocktails, enjoy the beach, and take a few breaks here and there to make out and/or make each other miserable. With the season premiere safely behind us, we can now reveal that if you bet a bunch of money on instant connections, instant brush-offs, instant tears, and instant "wrong reasons" confrontations, congratulations—you're rich! If you're the giving kind, consider buying extra tissues for Tia, who looks like she might need them this season. You can watch Bachelor in Paradise 2018: Week 1, Part 1 right here on ABC.com or in the ABC app, or read on for highlights and to find out what happened when everyone collided in paradise!
Introductions and Arrivals
First off, we meet the folks who are headed to Paradise and see them in their familiar environs. (Here's the cast of Bachelor in Paradise for reference.) They often claim that they've been misunderstood to this point—Chris, for example, says he's just a laid-back, silly goose. They also share who they're hoping to see when they arrive, and it's immediately apparent that there are going to be some complications involved. Also, let's skip right past the part where David said he was bummed he couldn't marry his mother. Just kidding! Let's instead put it in giant type for all to see:
Once the bags are packed, people start arriving in Paradise, ready for a fresh start to find love. That's how it works, right? Certainly everyone here is willing to wipe the slate clean and start over, because that's the name of the game:
According to this clip, Tia should be crawling into a hole to die right about now
Okay, so perhaps your reputation precedes you in Paradise. Duly noted.
For Grocery Store Joe, that's definitely not a bad thing. Coming off his turn in the Hot Seat during Becca's The Men Tell All episode, Joe is the talk of Paradise—none of the ladies can figure out why Becca sent him home on Night One, and they're all trying to get some time with him. Kendall, for example, wasted no time trying to set up the age-old, super-cliché romantic cemetery picnic date with him:
"Are you freaked out by dead people?"
While we're on the topic, HOW HAS A DUDE WHO OWNS A GROCERY STORE NEVER BEEN ON A PICNIC?!? Your supplies are basically free, Joe. Live a little.
One of the most anticipated reunions for those who like drama is the rematch between David and Jordan. For everyone excited for the giant knock-down, drag-out fight when David and Jordan first spot each other in Paradise: When David arrives, he casually walks over to Jordan, they shake hands and exchange Whaddups. The end. Seriously, that's it. But perhaps this is all just part of the plan for one (or both) of them...
The other reunion that has the beach buzzing is Tia and Colton, mostly because Tia can't stop talking about Colton. Word spreads quickly to all the men that Tia is basically off-limits, because it's clear she's only here for one guy. All the girls now feel the same about Colton, if he ends up here.
Tia is excited. And then, host Chris Harrison walks down the stairs—meaning that's it for arrivals. There will be no Colton today.
So, to recap: Tia is only here for Colton. Colton is not here. So, Tia is here for...what exactly?
Well, she needs to figure it out fast, because guess who gets the first 1-on-1 date card? Yep, it's Tia. Waterworks ensue:
Tia's not getting a lot of sympathy from the others
On day one, just after everyone has arrived, and after getting the first 1-on-1 date card (which is generally considered the most valuable item in Paradise), Tia christens the resort with her tears. An odd turn of events, to say the least.
Eventually, Tia recovers and asks that silly goose Chris on the date. He somewhat hesitantly accepts, given the situation. But he's determined to make the best of it, and so is Tia. She's ready to put Colton behind her, and she gets that out in the open quickly on their date. It goes pretty well, and they even make out a little.
"You're [bleep]ing cool as [bleep]."
Joe and Kendall seem to be hitting it off, Kevin is making his move on Krystal...Paradise is progressing as expected. Tia and Chris are still kissing in the morning, much to everyone's surprise. But like we said, Tia put Colton behind her. So naturally, here's what happened next:
At first, Colton avoids Tia and chats up some other ladies. The ladies feel like that's disrespectful to Tia. The guys don't love it either, because he's chatting up girls they've been chatting up. Then, in what appears to be their first conversation together, Colton turns around and asks Tia on the date.
And just like that, Tia is happy again
Back at the resort, some folks are getting agitated. Chris is obviously not loving it. He just spent his entire brunch smooching Tia and ignoring his Eggs Benedict, which by the way, got cold as a result, and cold Eggs Benedict is NO BRUNCH AT ALL. (Ed. note: All that food stuff is speculation.) So Chris isn't happy. A few of the ladies think he's probably just trying to keep Tia in his back pocket in case other hookups don't work out, which they find kinda gross. Jordan doesn't like Colton very much, as evidenced by their exchanges at Becca's The Men Tell All, and he thinks Colton is just here to be on TV, which is to say—sing it with me now—he's here for the wrong reasons. Nick is also there, and he does not think Colton is [bleep]ing cool as [bleep].
So when Colton comes back, Chris, Jordan, and Nick—which David has dubbed "The Goose Gang"—pull Colton aside, and...
That's where it ends this week. Tune in MONDAYS & TUESDAYS 8|7c to see what happens next on Bachelor in Paradise on ABC!