They say everything moves a little slower when you're on vacation. And if that's the case, no one on Bachelor in Paradise 2018 is on vacation. Chris and Tia's relationship changed overnight after a late-night kiss, Joe and Kendall hit an unexpected speed bump as soon a new arrival showed up, and Jordan's enmity with David...well, that actually didn't change one bit. Jordan's relationship with the stuffed dog that David gave to Jenna, however, changed from "pretty standard relationship between a person and an inanimate object" to "murderer and victim." You can watch Bachelor in Paradise Week 3, Part 1 and Bachelor in Paradise Week 3, Part 2 right here on ABC.com or in the ABC app, or read on for this week's highlights!
Cooking the Goose
Last week, we watched Chris tell Tia he was here just for her and wanted to build their relationship. Then he made out with Krystal. Then he worked out a plan to kiss four ladies in one night. Tia catches wind of that and decides to confront him about it, and Chris basically pulls a You-can't-fire-me-because-I-quit:
So Tia is single again. Which, of course, means that she is ready to start pining for Colton again.
The Ballad of Colton and His Uncertainty About Everything
New arrival Jacqueline shows up with a date card, and pulls Colton aside to chat. She thinks he's handsome and she's thinking maybe she'll take him on the date. Tia faceplants into her pillow, bawling. She's not over Colton, and the idea of him on a date makes her sick, even though she just last week gave her rose to Chris instead of Colton. Lucky for her, Colton, though not ready to date Tia, is also not ready to date anyone else, and turns Jacqueline down. Colton is in Paradise to date and get over Becca! But he can't date Tia! Also he can't date anyone else! What is he doing here! That last sentence needed a question mark!
Colton feels like maybe he should just go home. For his part, Chris is just over the whole thing with those two and wants them to just get their drama out of everyone else's way:
Wise words from the Goose. Jacqueline likes poetry...maybe they should get together. (She took Kenny on her date and they had a nice time, just FYI.)
But then, in a moment of cupidity, Bibiana pulls Colton aside for a shockingly emotional pep talk. She tearfully explains to Colton that love isn't everywhere, and she's been waiting for a long time to find someone she cares about who cares about her too. Meanwhile, he and Tia are here, in Paradise, trying to not care about each other when they clearly do. "Do not complicate it," Bibiana says. Colton is inspired.
Colton and Tia: Boyfriend and Girlfriend
It's real, it's happening, no joke, they are kissing faces now, watch here:
Goose, we are now ready to live.
Bachelor in Paradise: Masterpiece Theater
Colton and Tia together is wild, but possibly not even as wild as this conversation:
History being made all over the place here.
When David presents Jenna with a giant stuffed animal for her birthday, Jordan takes it in stride and plays it totally cool. If by "playing it cool" you mean "wordlessly walking up to them, grabbing the stuffed animal, dragging it across the beach, and pitching it into the ocean." He was even cooler afterward:
So as the Rose Ceremony arrives, Jordan is in the doghouse with more than a few people on the beach. Guess he's lucky the guys are giving out the roses this week.
The Rose Ceremony
Here's where the roses landed this week:
Jordan --> Jenna
David --> Chelsea
Chris --> Krystal
Joe --> Kendall
Colton --> Tia
Kenny --> Annaliese
That exchange left Bibiana, Caroline, Nysha, and new arrival Jacqueline roseless and headed home. It was Jacqueline's birthday, btw. Nervous—very, very dreadfully nervous she had been and is; but we will not say that she is mad.
A New Day...and the Ladies Have the Roses
When the roses change hands the resort's dynamic changes as well. Jenna, for example, woke up horrified by Jordan's outburst. She's over him and excited for new arrivals in Paradise—like Leo, who arrives and has the ladies very interested. But Leo makes a beeline for Kendall, which gives Joe a healthy dose of anxiety. Leo and Kendall's date involves a photoshoot for the cover of a romance novel—written by Jorge, the former bartender in Paradise. Bachelor alums Arie Luyendyk Jr., Lauren Burnham, Ben Higgins, and Amanda Stanton help reenact the plot of the book here:
Leo and Kendall's date also involves a pretty decent amount of smooching, which makes things awkward when Kendall returns:
Kendall and Joe had been one of Paradise's most consistent couples, but now...who knows.
Tia and Colton 4 Eva But Maybe Not Tho
Hey, did you hear? Tia and Colton are together! Everyone in Paradise is shipping it, even Chris, who was just tired of hearing about it. But when Tia's pal—Bachelor Nation's Raven—shows up in Paradise, she's a bit wary of Colton and his intentions:
Raven also said she'd support Tia no matter what, but added that if Colton hurts her, Raven would assure that Colton would be anatomically incapable of losing his virginity.
Benoit Ooh La La
Jenna missed out on the Leo boat, but when Benoit from the Bachelor Winter Games pulls his ship into Paradise Harbor, she...buys a ticket for that ferry? (Sorry, nautical themes are not our strength.) But Jenna does indeed go on a date with Benoit, and they have a great time. Jordan knows he's got some work to do to win Jenna back, but he's not threatened by Benoit, even though basically every woman on the beach is swooning over his Quebecois charm. Jordan quickly realizes he's going to have to really apologize for his behavior. So he goes for a big apology. Like, really, really big: He writes "I'm sorry" in the sand across the entirety of the beach. Then he tells her she's the only reason he's here, then calmly heads off to bed to let Jenna decide what to do next.
Will Jenna accept, or is she well over Jordan's antics? We'll find out next week! Tune in MONDAYS & TUESDAYS 8|7c to see more Bachelor in Paradise.