When we left off last night Kristina was plotting her revenge on Blake for sleeping with Caelynn the night after he slept with Kristina earlier this year. If you think that's a lot to hit you with right off the bat, then strap in, because this episode gets nuts. If you still need to catch up, you can watch Bachelor in Paradise Week 1, Part 1 and/or Bachelor in Paradise Week 1, Part 2 right here on ABC.com or in the ABC app. If you want to catch up fast, you can read last night's recap here, and then read on for the most recent highlights!
So Kristina asked Blake on the date with vengeance on her mind. Blake, of course, thinks that one of his exes just asked him on a date because she's into him, so needless to say, he was shocked when this went down:
Blake was very upset, saying he couldn't believe that Kristina just wanted to ruin his time in Paradise with this "nightmare" of a date. All he wanted to do was just get back to the beach, take a quick nap, have dinner—maybe some tacos, although tostadas might be nice—have a spicy margarita, stare out at the ocean, maybe wiggle his toes into the wet sand a bit and let that feeling of connectedness with the Earth wash over him, but then as soon as he steps foot into the palapa Caelynn grabs him and ROUND TWO DING:
No rest for Blake in Paradise. He knows this looks bad and that a lot of the ladies on the beach won't be into him after all this. And he's right, as Hannah G. and Tayshia, two potential Mrs. Horstmanns, say they're kinda over him.
That's music to Dylan's ears, because he's way into Hannah, spending most of his time with her—but then Wills pulls her aside for a chat and her ends up kissing her. Hannah says Paradise is about exploring, and Dylan agrees, but he's not thrilled about it.
Elsewhere, Clay has received the next date card. Bibiana and Nicole are both into him, but he ends up choosing Nicole for the date. Annaliese, you may recall, is friends with Clay's ex, and doesn't think that Clay is ready for a new relationship. Just before Clay and Nicole head out for the day, Annaliese grabs him:
On the date, Clay tells Nicole that yes, he was recently in a serious relationship, but they broke up a few months back and he's ready to move forward. Nicole is cool with that and the two have a grand old time at a carnival in town. Demi thinks that Annaliese spoiling Clay's date just before he left was a crappy thing to do. And of course, Demi, who called the older women on Colton's season "The Cougar Club," can't resist a swipe at Annaliese, saying "Grandma's off her meds," before adding:
Soon enough it's time for the cocktail party, as the men must decide who gets their roses, and which women will be headed home. Jane is worried she hasn't made any strong connections, so she decides to make a play for John Paul Jones by bringing him tacos. Not too many nice gestures end in barf, but here we are:
Poor everyone in that situation, really: Jane just wanted to do something nice, Onyeka was probably hoping to make out with JPJ a little more, and JPJ just wanted to eat some dinner.
We already know Wills likes Hannah G. And we already know Dylan likes Hannah G. As the Rose Ceremony approaches, Hannah feels like she should set the record straight so that everyone can make the best decisions possible. She tells Wills not to waste his rose on her—she'll be accepting Dylan's rose. Dylan is beaming for the chance at getting to know Hannah without any distractions. Just the two of them in Paradise, gazing into each other's eyes, sharing their feelings and—OH NO IT'S A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY NOOOOOOOOOOOO
That's right: Blake is back! It's been sentences since we last saw him! Blake knows he's sticking around for next week because he's got a rose to hand out...but what about the week after? He's going to be in trouble unless he starts laying the groundwork for some connections. If you'll recall, when Blake got the first date card, Hannah G. was really hoping he'd take her. (He took Tayshia instead.) So Blake figures he'll give it a shot with Hannah. He pulls her aside and says that he's done everything wrong here in Paradise, but that ends now. He's going to start doing everything right from here on out. And that starts with pursuing Hannah, effective immediately. They kiss.
Dylan: Not a fan. Demi: Not a fan. But Hannah is interested. Kinda. Definitely. Maybe?
What's Hannah going to do? Well, wait for MONDAY 8|7c, for starters, because that's where we leave off!
Tune in MONDAYS & TUESDAYS 8|7c to see more Bachelor in Paradise.