S1 E02 Last Baby Proofing Standing

10/11/11 | PG | CC

When Mike whacks his shin on a kitchen cabinet, Kristin feels the need to baby-proof the entire house. She sets up a consultation with certified baby-proofer Chester McAllister. This guy believes every house is a ticking time bomb. As you may have guessed, Mike is the one who blows up when he meets this fraud.

Vanessa promises they won’t hire Chester unless everyone is onboard. Mike has his doubts about this. After all, his loving wife made the same declaration before she bought a floral comforter. Anyway, Chester does his spiel about the killing capacity of coffee tables. Mike thinks this guy is full of it, but the ladies hire Chester anyway. It’s the floral comforter all over again!

Mike goes on a video rant about the evils of baby-proofing. Ed believes his outburst is louder than normal. Speaking of Ed, he has a new tracking device for hunting dogs. Naturally, he straps the thing onto Kyle for a test run. Ed believes that hazing the new guy is a male rite of passage. He also fesses up to Mike that that nasty knot on his head is not a war injury. He actually got it when he banged his head on a coffee table.

Mike wants Mandy to get a part-time job so she’ll stop treating him like an ATM. Vanessa isn’t so sure this is the right thing to do. Nevertheless, Mandy starts selling clothes at the mall. Unfortunately, she’s her own best customer. Employee discounts aren’t always a good thing. Mike wants Mandy to deliver pizzas like he did when he was a lad. Again, Vanessa isn’t thrilled. She thinks it’s dangerous.

Mike cons Kyle into helping him tail Mandy during her deliveries to make sure she’s safe. The two undercover operatives have a heart-to-heart chat during their stakeout. Kyle doesn’t feel he’s respected. Mike assures him that there’s no higher form of respect in his world than allowing someone to date his daughter. Nice. As for Mandy, she can take care of herself, as evidenced by the fact that she maces her dad when he sneaks up on her.

Back home, Vanessa is having issues with her baby-safe house. The new latches that have been installed everywhere effectively keep her from breaking into the wine cabinet. She’s also at a loss for a way to unfasten the toilet cover. That’s a major bummer since her bladder has reached DEFCON 1. Fortunately, Boyd’s baby potty is just a few feet away. Too bad Kristin thinks her son is the one who went wee-wee.

Vanessa admits to Mike that he may have been right about the baby-proofing, but she also feels she had a good point about the dangers of pizza delivery. They agree to decide things together from here on out. Well, at least until it’s time to buy a new comforter.


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