S1 E07 Home Security

11/15/11 | NR | CC

After a burglary in the neighborhood, Vanessa wants to organize a neighborhood watch program. Mike’s against the idea. Instead, he installs a new security alarm system which serves a dual purpose. It’ll keep away thieves and alert parents whenever curfews are broken. Mike also introduces the family to their new panic room. The place used to be a bomb shelter, then it became a storage room, then it became a make-out room for the girls.

Vanessa has some dish about a neighbor who was seen hugging a guy who is not her husband. It’s an easy secret for Mike to keep since he never associates with anyone in the hood. Vanessa believes that’s why he doesn’t want to participate in the crime watch program. But Mike doesn’t have a choice after his wife invites all the neighbors over. He just wants everyone to stay out of the rooms he’s painting -- which is all of them.

Mike endures the ramblings of the new neighborhood security coordinator/wannabe cop. He also suffers through several grammar corrections courtesy of Mrs. Wong. Later, Mike goes on watch duty with Mr. Wong. These two guys have nothing to talk about until Mike provides the inside scoop on the naughty neighbor his wife mentioned earlier. He’s such a little gossip.

Vanessa’s pretty peeved when news of her hubby’s loose lips gets back to her. Mike makes it up to her with a nice intimate dinner in a location that once served as a nifty little bomb shelter. There are candles on the table, a rose in a vase and the main entrée is a serving of tasty pork loaf from the '50s. That stuff really keeps!

Mike worries that Ed won’t be able to control himself when he meets with a charismatic salesman who always takes advantage of his boss. Buying all those hunting hats with antlers probably wasn’t a wise move last year. Ed promises he won’t be sucked into any bad deals this time around.

When the salesman can’t make the big meeting, a beautiful lady rep is sent in to pinch-hit. Needless to say, Ed is buying whatever she’s selling. It looks like there’s going to be big sale on fish jerky at Outdoor Man this holiday season. That stuff really keeps, too!

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