Cameron invites Lily's pediatrician, Dr. Miura, over for dinner. The guys are devastated when Lily says her first word while in Dr. Miura's arms. It's "mommy." Such an utterance is every gay father's worst nightmare. Cameron believes this tragedy occurred because Dr. Miura is Asian and Lily was raised by Vietnamese nurses for six months. Mitchell feels that, in addition to her Asian-ness, the good doctor also has breasts. How can they possibly compete?
Dr. Miura tries to assure Cameron and Mitchell that it's not a big deal that Lily said the "M" word. In fact, it was probably just a couple of random syllables she stuck together. The guys seem convinced this is the case until Lily clearly says "mommy" one more time. Ever seen two grown daddies cry?
Dr. Miura finally convinces them that having two fathers who care about Lily as much as they do make her the luckiest little girl in the world. This truly does make Cameron and Mitchell feel better. But the icing on the cake comes when they discover that Lily's new doll says "mommy" when you squeeze the belly and that's where she learned the "M" word. Imagine how freaked the guys would have been if she had a Tickle Me Elmo?
If Haley fails her upcoming driving test, she'll have to wait six months before she can try again. As luck would have it, she draws the same instructor who failed her before, Mr. Jenkins, who has nicknamed her "Two Strikes." Buckle up!
While Haley is out on her driving test, Alex tries to convince Claire that she wants to skip a school dance because of the lameness of it all. The real reason is that she's nervous that no one will ask her to dance. Speaking of nervousness, an anxious Haley struggles to perform even the simplest of driving instructions. It could be because she thinks the instructor hates her.
Jenkins tries to calm Haley down by saying that he only wants her, and others, to be safe. After all, she did mow down her dad in "Run For Your Wife." We're assuming that's one of the reasons she didn't pass the first time around. But the third time's the charm, as Haley finally gets her license. Woo-hoo! As for Alex, she does go to the dance and does end up cutting a rug with a dapper young man in a sports coat. Woo-hoo again!
Manny doesn't want to go to a party because it's at an amusement park. The little guy is afraid of roller coasters. Gloria suggests they go fishing off the pier to take his mind off his worries. Jay is surprised to hear his stepson likes to work the old rod and reel. Gloria says, "He comes from a long line of fisherman and smugglers. But I encourage the fishing." She's such a good mom.
As it turns out, the fishing excursion was all part of Gloria's plan to get Manny to get over his fear by riding the roller coaster at the pier. When Gloria discovers that Jay is also afraid of coasters, she decides to take to the tracks solo. With their manhood at stake, Manny and Jay have no choice but to join her. Judging by the pale look on Jay's face, we're thinking it's a good thing the seat next to him is empty.
Phil and Luke are on a quest to see what kinds of treasures may be buried under their house. Phil says, "We're like Ponce de Leon and his son... little Ponce." The only problem is that Phil is afraid of going into the small, dark crawlspace under Casa de Dunphy. So he attaches a video camera to Luke's remote-controlled truck to get a preview of what lurks inside. Phil says, "This is how NASA does it." But we're pretty sure they didn't use an itty bitty book light on the Mars rover.
When Luke's truck gets stuck inside the crawlspace, there's only one way to get it out. A fearless explorer must go in after it. Luke is up to the challenge. Phil... not so much. But when Luke's belt gets stuck on a pipe, Phil pushes fear aside to crawl inside to save his son. Does that make him a hero? According to Phil, yes it does.