Nobody likes the abusive coach of the Li'l Dribblers. That's the name of Luke and Manny's youth league basketball team. Phil tells his family that the coach better cool it or he's going to introduce him to the Captain and Tennille, a nickname he's given to his fists of steel. This "You Better Not Do That to Me One More Time" attitude is not something we've come to expect from our favorite "Love Will Keep Us Together" dad. But in Phil's words, the coach is a real "mother-scratcher." That means he's mean.
The Li'l Dribblers are the Bad News Bears of basketball. Their caustic coach doesn't help matters by berating them from the sideline. When Phil heads over to talk to the coach (guest star Eric Lange, who played Radzinsky on LOST), Jay steps in to lecture the guy on his bad attitude. The coach quits on the spot leaving the Li'l Drippers leaderless. Fortunately, Phil is ready to take over the team until a headstrong Jay says that he's more qualified and sends his son-in-law to the bench.
As the game goes on, it becomes evident that Jay is in over his head. He becomes a clone of the belligerent coach they just lost. Jay can't take it anymore. He asks Phil to take over, admitting that he should have let him coach from the get-go. This is a major triumph for Phil. Now, can he keep the winning streak alive by leading the Li'l Dribblers to victory? Nah! They're way too pitiful. But at least they now have a coach who cares.
Embarrassed by Gloria's enthusiasm in the stands, Manny asks his mom to skip his basketball game. Gloria is understandably crushed, but makes the most of things by taking Lily shopping. Claire is also out shopping with Alex, who sees some friends on the street. Alex doesn't want the other girls to see her with her mom, so she asks Claire to make herself scarce. A crestfallen Claire obliges, saddened by the fact that her little girl just turned into a typical teen right before her very eyes.
When Claire runs into Gloria, she promptly takes Lily off her hands. She wants to buy her a new dress. But Gloria has her heart set on buying Lily some new shoes. Both ladies seem to be looking to fill the void left by the kids who dissed them. Hey, at least Mitchell and Cameron should be all set with baby clothes for awhile.
Mitchell blows off his dad's request to call one of his golf buddies, Charlie Bingham, who is looking to hire a lawyer. He says he's enjoying his duties as a stay-at-home dad, as Cameron recently got a job at a greeting card store. Cam loves his 40 percent discount (as evidenced by the huge stack of cards he bought), but hides his despair about being away from Lily. Mitchell is also being a tad untruthful. He loves Lily more than anything, but desperately wants to go back to work.
Mitchell does end up calling about the job. Charlie Bingham invites them over to his beach house for a little get-together. When the guys arrive, they park alongside the other cars on a large, circular object. Once inside, Bingham explains that their car is on a giant turntable so they don't have to back out. In case you haven't guessed, this Bingham guy is loaded.
Bingham is thoroughly impressed with Mitchell despite the fact that his partner is wreaking havoc on his home by nervously knocking over everything in sight. Cameron gets a bit anxious in social situations when the stakes are high. Bingham offers the job to Mitchell, who wants to discuss things with Cameron before accepting. They head out to the garage to chat in private.
Cameron admits that he misses his time with Lily and Mitchell admits that he wants to take the job. The guys are thrilled to learn that they are on the same page but bummed to discover they've locked themselves in the garage. They hit some buttons to open the door, but end up moving the outdoor turntable back and forth. This causes their car to repeatedly ram into Bingham's expensive sports car. Looks like Mitchell's first few paychecks are going to be donated to a good auto body shop. Hey, at least he got the job.
Clash of Swords