Luke and Manny are prepping for their very first school dance. One boy needs a new suit and the other refuses to attend without a teal pocket square. We'll leave it to you to figure out who needs what. Phil and Jay take the kids to the mall where parking is tight. When a guy sneaks into a space Phil was waiting for, Jay rips into his son-in-law regarding the finer points of being a man. Phil shrugs it off. After all, it's just a parking space.
There's also conflict inside the mall when Luke picks out a tie that's the same color as Manny's pocket square. Teal must be big at their school. Things get worse when Phil lets a customer cut in line at a store. The guy ends up taking forever, so there's plenty of time for Jay to dole out more manly lessons in front of the boys. It eventually gets to be too much for Phil. He storms off on a faux search for socks.
Jay decides to show the boys what being a man is all about when he lashes out at the guy who stole their parking space. The other driver is very apologetic. He had no idea someone was waiting. His dog just died and he's been wandering aimlessly ever since. Jay suddenly feels bad about what he said. He tells the driver to forget about the spot. The mention of the word "spot" brings the ex-pet owner to tears, as that was his best friend's name.
As Phil comes down an escalator, a department store worker sprays him with cologne. This causes our favorite pacifist to blow a gasket. Phil grabs the cologne and relentlessly sprays the worker as he chases him throughout the store. When Jay catches up with Phil at the security office, these two very different manly men end up making nice. And Phil ends up smelling nice.
When Lily is accused of biting another child at the playground, Mitchell and Cameron believe this is another case of someone blaming the gay dads. After all, how could their little angel possibly do such a thing? As it turns out, their angel has a sharp set of incisors and she's not afraid to use them. Cam and Mitch take turns blaming each other for their daughter's sudden vampire-like ways.
Mitchell tries to find a solution to the biting issue by checking out an online mommy forum. Cam has other ideas. He belts out a happy tune with lyrics intended to discourage Lily's toothy tendencies. Neither plan works. At the end of the day, both men realize that they just have to accept the fact that their little angel isn't perfect. Actually, she is. She just likes to bite.
Claire is the go-to mom when it comes to getting things done as the head of the school dance committee. If there's a light that needs changing, she'll use her charms on Gus the handyman (guest star Danny Trejo) to get the job done. Yes, Claire attacks her chairwoman duties with efficiency and enthusiasm. Although, technically, she's just a co-chair because another mom also volunteered to help out. She's efficient and enthusiastic, too. She's also family.
Gloria doesn't understand why Claire keeps shooting down her ideas for the dance. In fact, nothing Gloria does meshes with Claire's vision, even though the other moms love the new co-chair's table arrangement. It really helps open up the dance floor.
The gym looks fantastic once the big dance is in full swing. Claire is soaking it all in. Then she's just soaking, as some kids cause her to spill a drink all over her dress. Fear not. Help is on the way. Gus the handyman is headed out to the dance floor with a roll of paper towels in hand. Good old Gus. Claire can always count on him to dote on her. Too bad he walks right past her. The paper towels are for Gloria, who has a smudge on her finger.
Claire storms off to the restroom where she goes off on Gloria for stealing her thunder. School dances were always "her thing" and Gloria obviously already has so many of her own things. Claire is surprised to learn that the only reason Gloria volunteered is so that the other moms can realize that there's more to her than what they see on the outside. This little chat will undoubtedly help these co-chairs coexist in the future. But they don't have to think about that right now because, at the moment, all they need to do is dance!
Clash of Swords