Mitchell and Cameron are revising their will. They need to determine who should take care of Lily should something happen to them. They are casually assessing all possible candidates. This includes taking part in a typical day with the Dunphys, which involves complete chaos. Time to check in on the Pritchetts!
Mitch and Cam join Jay and Manny on a trip to the sporting goods store. Manny needs supplies for an upcoming wilderness weekend. Meanwhile, Gloria takes Lily to the mall. She absolutely adores the little girl. So when Mitchell mentions the legal guardian issue, Gloria can't wait for something tragic to happen.
Jay knows Manny is anxious about his upcoming camping trip. He thinks a climb on the store's rock wall might instill a little confidence in his boy. Cam is appalled by the way Jay pushes Manny. He believes teaching by example is the way to go. Soon Cam is harnessed atop the rock wall until Mitch springs the guardian news to his dad. The shock causes Jay to lose grip of the harness rope. WHOOSH, BAM! Cam is down! Cam is down!
While Cam rests his lumbar on the sofa, Gloria returns from the mall with Lily, who is donning her brand-new earrings. Mitchell thought Gloria was asking about "hair rings" when she inquired about this rite of passage earlier. Suddenly, the Pritchett place doesn't seem like an ideal location for little orphan Lily.
Haley is roped into taking Alex to her cello lesson, but the teacher isn't home when they arrive. Looks like Alex will have to hang with her sis. A trip to the mall gets sidetracked when Haley learns another girl made moves on Dylan. The time for revenge is now!
Haley and Alex break in to their school to sabotage a locker before narrowly escaping capture from a security guard. Moments later, Haley learns that Alex ditched her cello lesson on purpose. She doesn't really enjoy it. She actually had a lot more fun with her big sis.
Claire secretly makes an appointment for Luke with a child psychologist. Phil finds out about the covert counseling session and pops by. The doc thinks Luke is a great kid who is easily distracted. This has Claire fearing he'll end up just like her hubby. As you can imagine, this is a blow to Phil's ego. There's a big fight that ends when Phil and Claire drive off in separate cars. Too bad neither takes Luke along for the ride.
Luke manages to find his way home after hitching a limo ride with a pair of newlyweds. Claire realizes that maybe she worries a little too much about her only son's ability to survive in the world. Phil adds that Luke will be fine even if he is a lot like him, as long as he shares his life with someone just like his mom.
Manny gives Cam the inside scoop on Jay's true parenting potential. This leads to his grand announcement that the Jay and Gloria are the parents they want to watch over Lily. Claire wants to know why she and Phil weren't given due consideration. This discussion gets put on hold once the police call. Haley and Alex are in custody after vandalizing the school. Claire warns that this argument about who are the better parents is not over.
Clash of Swords