S3 E16 Virgin Territory

02/21/12 | TV-PG | CC

Lily is too cute. That's precisely why Luke wants to take her down. He recruits Manny to help spring a trap for his nemesis. They use cookies as bait to trigger an elaborate device that spills milk all over the floor. The trap works to perfection. Too bad Cameron is the one who takes the cookie and slips on spilt milk. He hurts his back and crushes Lily's doll, Beatrice.

Phil offers to have Beatrice repaired at the doll hospital at the mall. He was planning to drop his girls there anyway. The conversation during the drive accidentally lets Phil know that Haley is not a virgin. Being the cool dad, Phil takes the news in stride. Wait, no he doesn't. Phil does, however, eventually tell his little girl that he trusts her. Just like that, Haley knows she really does have a cool dad.

Gloria wants to join Claire for her yoga class. It's her way of trying to build a bond. That's not an easy thing to do because Claire keeps coming up with creative ways to avoid her. Gloria finally calls her on it. The truth is that Claire has a secret. She doesn't do yoga. She does guns. Yes, Claire sneaks away to the shooting range to unload multiple rounds of stress. Gloria promises to keep this high-caliber secret between the two of them.

Cameron's back isn't really that hurt. He was just looking for a way to get everyone out of the house. Why? Well, Claire swears she returned his Tupperware container a long time ago. Cam believes otherwise. He does a hard target search of the entire house. Cameron finally finds what he's looking for, but he pretty much destroys Claire's home in the process.

Jay's determination to remember the name of a weatherman leads to a discussion about family secrets. All of the juicy tidbits are now harmless memories. Well, almost all of them. Mitchell recalls the time he kicked his dad's ball into the cup on the golf course leading Jay to believe he got a hole-in-one. It's the shot that made him a legend down at the club. Now Jay feels compelled to tell his golf buddies the truth.

Jay takes one last look at the engraving of his name on the Hole-In-One plaque hanging at his golf clubhouse. He's about to come clean until he realizes his buddies all lie about their lives, too. Jay decides to keep his secret, but Mitchell doesn't. He spills the details about how he was to blame for the 20-year deception that led to his dad being nicknamed "Ace." Needless to say, Jay is not happy.

Mitchell tries to explain that the day he kicked the ball into the cup was special for him. That's when he was allowed to have his first beer. So, the day wasn't really about a hole-in-one. Actually, it was. Jay tells his son that he gave him his first beer after an embarrassing event on his 14th birthday. Mitchell is touched that he remembered this. The sentimental moment is short-lived as Jay finally recalls the name of that weatherman. It was Storm Stevens, in case you were wondering.

Somehow Luke and Manny escape any blame for the spilt milk incident. They did, however, get a taste of bad boy behavior. Luke takes Cameron's car for a joyride. Actually, it's more like slow roll down the block to the home of a girl Manny likes. The smitten kid takes over at the wheel as they cruise past the young lady's lemonade stand. Then he slowly rolls back home in reverse. Yes, it's official. Luke and Manny are bad boys. Lily is free to ride the cute wave all by herself.

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