Cam tries to stop the city from chopping down a tree at the park that was the site of many sentimental moments between him, Mitchell and Lily. But when understudy Cam has to fill in for a local production of Cats, it's up to Mitchell to step in (or climb up?) and finish what his partner has started.
Cameron: "Guess what they are cutting down at the park today!"
Mitchell: "A tree."
Cameron: "Yes! How did you know that?"
Mitchell: "I played a hunch."
Cameron: "Not just any tree -- Treeona Elmsley!"
Cameron: "They are literally chain-sawing paradise to put up a parking lot!"
Cameron: "Sean Penn would play me in a movie about this. Or Anne Hathaway, if they wanted a female-driven vehicle."
Mitchell: "And who would play your long-suffering partner?"
Cameron: "Julianne Moore either way."
Cameron: "Mitchell, where were we the first day Lily rolled over?"
Mitchell: "Under this tree."
Cameron: "Where is home base when we play hide-and-go-seek?"
Mitchell: "Under this tree."
Cameron: "Where did we take shelter during that dangerous lightning storm?"
Mitchell: "It wasn't a good idea, but under this tree."
STORY 2: Phil vs. Jay in the Boxing Ring
Phil and Jay accompany their sons to a sports-themed birthday party. Jay isn't in his comfort zone at the "Doug-lympics," but he soon fits in with the other dads by sharing embarrassing stories about Phil. This builds up a lot of tension between Phil and Jay, leading them to settle their differences in a bout in the Doug-lympics boxing ring.
Memorable Quotes:Dave (thinking Phil is gay but seeing his family photos on the wall): "Wait a minute. Is that your family? Are you married?"
Phil: "Yeah, but don't worry. We have the house to ourselves. They're all out of town. I'm long overdue for a boys' night."
Dave: "So your wife is OK with it?"
Phil: "Oh, yeah. She suggested it. She knows I need this every so often. As long as I clean up afterwards, she's fine."
Manny (at the tug-of-war): "Good news, gentlemen! I found another rope. If we double-dutch, everyone wins."
Jay: "Here's something I thought I'd never say: I'd rather box my daughter's husband than my son's."
STORY 3: Haley's Community Service & Alex's Public Humiliation
Haley always embarrasses Alex by taking embarrassing photos of her and posting them on Facebook. When Haley has to perform her first day of community service picking up garbage (for assaulting a police officer in Episode 407, "Arrested"), Alex sees it as the perfect opportunity to take a compromising photo of her sister.
Alex: "There's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mug shots were cute."
Alex (proudly plotting her revenge): "One photo of Haley dirty, sweaty picking up trash like a criminal. It'll be my finest moment! (Not so proudly) In a few years, I hope to have some more friends and not have time for this kind of stuff."
STORY 4: Pregnancy Brain
With Gloria's pregnancy making her more absentminded, Claire tries to watch over her on what's supposed to be a routine trip to Costco.
Jay: "Gloria needs watching. She's got a serious case of pregnancy brain. Last week, I found a bar of soap in the fridge and a stick of butter in the shower. I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn"
Manny: "Better than the toast I ate."
Jay: "Yet you ate the second piece."
Claire: "You have another human being inside competing for resources. Look, when I was pregnant with Alex, I could barely remember my name."
Gloria: "Same with Haley and Luke?"
Claire: "Not so much. They kind of just hung out in there and let me do my thing."
Manager (to Gloria after accusing Claire of shoplifting): "Is that even a baby? Because from here, it looks like a turkey."
Clash of Swords