S5 E17 Other People's Children

03/12/14 | TV-PG | CC

STORY 1: A Day at the Art Museum
A leisurely day at the museum turns stressful when Cameron, Mitchell and Manny realize that they can't hold their own with Alex by merely faking their way through art appreciation.

Memorable Quotes:

Cameron: "Mitch and I are taking Alex and Manny to an art exhibit."
Mitchell: "But of course, everybody is welcome to join."
Manny: "It's a retrospective on post-war abstract expressionism."
Luke: "Wait, for school?
Manny: "No, for life."
Luke: "Oh, thank god. I don't even know who we fought in the Post War."

Cameron (on museum-going with Alex, Mitchell and Manny): "To be honest, I was a little nervous about holding my own with those three, so I did a little boning up on Kandinsky. Figured it couldn't hurt to have a few facts in my pocket. My backup plan was to touch a painting and get thrown out."

Mitchell (on Cam not feeling smart enough for the museum): "To be perfectly honest, I really needed Cam to stay. The minute he goes, I'm the dumb one. I took an art history class once but that was just to look at naked Italian dudes."

Manny (joining Mitchell and Cameron who've ducked out of the museum): "You guys invited us so we could spend the day together, and it felt wrong that you two are out here and I was in there all alone with Alex."
Mitchell: "You couldn't keep up with her, could ya?"
Manny: "She knows everything. She made a docent cry."


STORY 2: A Day at the Mall
With Mitch and Cam at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, Claire and Gloria are put in charge of Lily, who needs to shop for a flower girl dress for her daddies' upcoming wedding. Lily wants to wear a Belle costume from Beauty and the Beast, while Gloria wants to have a nice girls' day out with Claire, who's not into the whole shopping thing, let alone trying on wedding dresses.

Memorable Quotes:

"Why are you dragging this out?"
Gloria: "Because we haven't found the right dress."
Claire: "You have got to be a better shopper than this. I have seen you buy three outfits while driving a car."
Gloria: "C'mon, it's fun. I don't have any daughters. All I get to buy is tuxedos, and they all look the same. But don't tell Manny that because I don't want to hear another lecture."


STORY 3: A Day of D.I.Y.
Phil directs a green-screen video starring Andy the nanny (guest star Adam DeVine), who wants to send his girlfriend in the Coast Guard something special for their anniversary. Haley isn't very impressed at first, but she eventually finds herself strangely smitten with Andy. Meanwhile, Jay tries to spend some male-bonding time with Luke by teaching him some lessons in wood shop.

Memorable Quotes:

Jay: "Now, who's ready to watch some basketball? Why am I looking at you?"
Mitchell: "I don't know. Unlike you, I don't need a reason to watch a bunch of guys running around in shorts."
Jay: "Don't ruin this for me like you did with Olympic diving."

Andy: "I've gotta come up with an anniversary gift for my girlfriend. I make her something different every year, like a scrapbook or a nice scarf. This year, I was thinking maybe I could bake her some banana bread."
Phil: "Oh, I am the king of banana bread. You know my secret? No nuts."
Jay: "Not such a secret."

Luke: "Dad thinks I should take Ceramics because lots of girls do."
Jay: "You know what a lotta girls don't do? Guys who take Ceramics."

Andy (on his girlfriend being in the Coast Guard): "She's probably so lonely with only two other women to talk to in her whole 40-person unit."
Haley: "So you're saying it's just your girlfriend and 36 super in-shape dudes?"
Andy: "Thirty-seven, and it's not what you think. The Coast Guard seriously frowns upon fraternizing. It's forbidden."
Haley: "That doesn't make it hot."

Jay (at the workbench in his garage): "Didn't your dad teach you any of this stuff?"
Luke: "He says the only tool you need is a sense of humor."
Jay: "Because who needs the jaws of life when you have a good knock-knock joke?"

Andy (on getting his video delivered to his girlfriend): "I'm gonna give this to the mailman, who's gonna give it to the Coast Guard, and, by this time tomorrow, someone in the Coast Guard is gonna be givin' it to my girlfriend."
Phil: "Can you imagine the smile on her face when she takes it all in?"
Haley: "OK, I'm gonna go while you two replay that in your minds."

Jay: "Great job, champ. Who said you can't build anything?"
Luke: "My dad, the police, a doctor..."

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